Humans Are Space Australians - Blog Posts

“Life Pod 37″

I can’t decide if I loved or hated this chapter. I suffered a lot, yes, but it was awesome > - <

Side note: I thought Adam was on the shuttle. I was surprised later.

From my now-favourite piece of original work:

Humans are weird, by @starr-fall-knight-rise

       Master post: https://starr-fall-knight-rise.tumblr.com/post/182501791735/master-post

        in-progress novel adaptation: https://www.wattpad.com/user/starrfallknightrise 

“Outside the S.S. Stabby”

Feat. Captain Adam Vir and Convict (or just Conn).

Humans are weird, by @starr-fall-knight-rise

Master post: https://starr-fall-knight-rise.tumblr.com/post/182501791735/master-post

in-progress novel adaptation: https://www.wattpad.com/user/starrfallknightrise 

Art by me :)

A human crewmate, Mia, held a long thin box. It seemed to have paper and plastic peices inside, based on the sound. A puzzle perhaps? A few other crewmates trailed behind them.

"Hey Bob! Wanna join us? We're playing Clue, it's a board game from earth."

Bob nodded and joined the others trailing after Mia. He had no idea what a 'board game' was, but it seemed fun. They eventually all gathered around a table in the cafeteria.

"Okay, so it's a murder mystery and we have to figure out who killed Mr. Body. We're all possible suspe-" Mia started to set up the board and explain, but was cut off by Jli'yan.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but why do humans have a game centered on murder and distrust?"

"Cause it's fun, thrilling. Good for poker face practice." Kaya answered, shuffling cards. They then nodded towards Mia to continue explaining.

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“Okay, I know I said to take the cheapest flight we could find, but I'm starting to have… thoughts” said a spindly alien to another, both holding suitcases. Said ‘cheapest flight’ was sphere shaped and literally rolled up to the station, sounding like a speeding remote control car. “Hello hello,” said a voice with no source. “Apologies for our improper greeting, but we need to make sure you don't have any potentially deadly diseases for any of our other guests or staff” A door, slightly rounded, suddenly opened and dropped down to become a ramp. A biped in a head to toe gray spacesuit walked down and pointed a scanner at them. “Alright, you’re all good! Welcome aboard!” The biped took off their helmet to reveal a smiling human face, and gestured toward the entrance. The two spindly aliens looked at eachother, one shrugged and the other smiled tensely, then walked into the ship.

~Extra~ “Did you see the new passengers? They look like endermen, all lanky and made of void” Mia gushed. She immediately went and found Kaya after letting said new passengers in and handing them off to the hostess.

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"that's literally impossible for me to pronounce, I'm calling you Bob now." The new human, Mia, stated looking at the repair man of the ship. "Y'know, like Bob The Builder?"

The newly dubbed 'Bob' did not infact know. Their technician, another human named Kaya, seemed to find this amusing.

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Humans can be heard yelling from one of the bedrooms. An alien crewmate, nicknamed Bob, goes to check it out, fearing the worst.

"plus 4, Uno."

"you bitch!"

the humans are gathered in a circle on the ground with colorful cards. one of them notices him.

"oh hey Bob, wanna join us? we're playing Uno."

Bob shakes his head and backs out of the room carefully.

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part2

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Thinking about if other species becoming insanely obsessed with random parts of human history because it's just so VAST and there's so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that other events like the first contact with the Aksani, the Barkonian renaissance, the whole federation-Eminian 'poison saliva dinner' fiasco, or the Lokirrim-Iconian-Risian trading war were all very interesting.

But I can't help but imagine the endless hilarity that involves something like a group of Andorian teens all being like:

"Did you know that there used to be other types of human sub-species living on earth billions and billions of years ago? Yeah! they were called like knee-an-do-thals and erik-toss or something" "Really? So, it was like the human version of Aenar on their planet?" "I guess so yeah" "So, what happened to them?" "The ancient humans killed them all." "..." "..."

"...maybe...on second thought, we should help Anika with her biology project after all."

Idea that once human movies and tv series becomes accessible to the rest of the universe they immediately have to get re-called and re-regulated by the federation.

Like, the Andorians thought they had sexy romance shows, but then the terrans come along and now you've got angry zhavey's, shreya's, charan's, and thavan's calling in concerned on what their teenagers are watching.

And this especially applies to horror movies, Klingon space gets access to some classics and figure they'll sit around and laugh at the silly human horror. Cut to one Texas Chainsaw Massacre marathon later and now some human captain's are reporting that the Klingons are looking at them weirdly, like they almost seem... nervous of them?

Same thing goes for when Vulcans begin to approach human crewmates to ask how they manage to keep their children away from "The animated blue kanine and the female pink sus scrofa domesticus?"

Ferenginar just has a flatout ban against any and all talent/contest shows. To win profit just for having a talent? For showing good teamwork? Without any cheating or lying? Disgraceful media. (Although they would appreciate the trick of adding a sob backstory to gain more sympathy votes)

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

concept: an alien race horrified by the idea of clothes

- You… you manifacture artificial skin? That you don over your own bodies? How utterly repulsive!!

-And instead of being rightfully ashamed of this practice you… pride yourselves on it?? You have performances dedicated to displaying weird varieties of it? You hold galas that are - for lack of a better term - ‘thinly veiled’ excuses for just such a performance?

-You try them on in specific stores and sometimes don’t buy them? YOU LEND THEM TO YOUR FRIENDS? You lend your weird fake skin to your friends???!!?

- What do you MEAN you have specifically designated sleep skin???

- An alien being forced to wear warm clothes because of the weather and begrudgingly accepting that it’s a pretty clever way of adapting to this crazy planet, THEY GUESS.

- Rebelling alien youths putting on sweaters to the absolute horror of their parents. So edgy.

We abducted humans.

To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).

But we underestimated humans.

It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.

But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.

Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.

But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.

He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.

We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

ONE of the most important rules of the Galactic Federation concerns humanity. If a human ever says “Hold my beer”, either stop them, or run.

Mentally combining the "bees are unionized and will leave if they don't like their working conditions" post with the various "humans stow away on alien spaceships and do the jobs that are too dangerous for more fragile species" posts

Ok so what if instead of humans are space orcs we’re just space cockroaches with a weird knack to survive anything and to be able to live in tons of conditions.

We cannot forget, of course, the generation that has consumed dissolving packets of a basic ph solution for clout. And the previous generation who did the same with a large quantity of spice that irritates the lungs because “lol funny coughing video”.

Now that humans have photographed a black hole, we all immediately have decided we wish to eat it, as it is vaguely bagel shaped and probably a good companion to the sarcophagus juice. Imagine aliens encountering this particular brand of humanity.

Heck my dude at least 60% will be hella scared that humans will actually find a way to have a nibble of the Forbidden Bagel. The other 40% will recognize the joke in it but still be vaguely unnerved.

What if the reason we haven't seen aliens is because they fear our wild and reckless nature?

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a highly advanced alien race known as the Zorons. They were a peaceful species that had developed technology far beyond anything ever seen before. They had explored countless planets and had made contact with many different civilizations throughout the galaxy.

One day, while conducting a routine survey of a distant planet, the Zorons stumbled upon a strange new species that they had never encountered before: humans. At first, the Zorons were fascinated by these creatures. They watched as the humans built towering structures, harnessed the power of electricity, and traveled across vast distances using machines that they had created.

But as the Zorons observed the humans more closely, they began to notice something strange. Despite their relatively primitive technology, the humans seemed to possess an almost reckless sense of daring and adventure. They explored dangerous environments, took risks that seemed to defy all logic, and even engaged in violent conflicts with one another.

As the Zorons continued to study the humans, they came to a startling realization: humans were like space orcs.

The Zorons had heard stories from other alien races about space orcs, a legendary species known for their incredible physical strength, unbreakable will, and ruthless nature. Space orcs were said to be fearless warriors who would charge headfirst into battle, no matter the odds. They were rumored to possess a near-indestructible biology that allowed them to survive even the harshest environments.

The more the Zorons observed humans, the more convinced they became that these creatures were, in fact, the space orcs of their own galaxy. Humans possessed the same reckless courage, the same almost supernatural resilience, and the same instinct for violence and conflict as the legendary space orcs.

Despite their initial fascination with humans, the Zorons began to feel a sense of unease around these creatures. They realized that humans were not to be trifled with, that they were capable of almost anything, and that they posed a significant threat to the delicate balance of the galaxy.

And so, the Zorons decided to keep their distance from humans, to observe them from afar, and to hope that they would never have to face the full force of humanity's incredible power and ferocity. For the Zorons knew that humans were not to be underestimated, and that they truly were the space orcs of the galaxy.

(i did not write this, this text is generated)

Alien: why is Rehaan vibrating his legs so much? It's been an hour and he's still doing it. Isn't he exhausted?

Alex: nah, he has ADD, but I'm not sure why he moves a lot. He has told me it's fun and it makes him concentrate better, so why not let him

Alien: add? Add WHAT? CHEESE?

Human: banana

Alien: pardon

Human banana.

Alien: why did you say that randomly?

Human: banana.

Alien: ???

Lmfaoo i tend to say random words when i wake up or when I'm alone

It's fun

MY FIRST HUMANS ARE WIERD/SPACE ORCS POST (made entirely by me)

so you know about humans protecting their family, friends, and ect. But they also protect anything they grow an affection to. Animals, Fish, even Things that aren't able to feel, grow or move! (Rocks lmao)

So here's my story.

Rehaans door slides open. All of the crewmates turn to see he’s holding a black hairy carnivore.

Lisa: Oh my god they’re so cute!

Alex: YOOO CAT

Qatàa and Ztrè seem to be horrified by the sight of it and demand Rehaan to not let the beast off his arms. As a stubborn person he is, he gently lets the cat on the floor, and it starts walking towards them. The aliens shriek in fear and quickly rushes behind the other humans for protection.

Rehaan laughs as he walks to the cat and starts petting it.

Rehaan: aww you’re so cute

He says while gently patting their head. Suddenly Qwàtz comes out of his room and sees it.

All of the crewmates dislike Qwàtz after he continuously annoy every one of the humans in hopes for them to reconsider staying on the ship. He looks at us, then moves his eyes to the hairy furball now staring at him with their bright yellow eyes.

Qwàts: What kind of ugly beast did you bring to the ship now? Disgusting!

Rehaans anger starts building up, as his eyes widen in furiosity.

Rehaan: You call my cat ugly one more time and i’l-

Qwàts: Kill you? I’ve heard that from you and your.. ‘’friends’’ a million times already. It is starting to bore me.

Qwàts walks past the crewmates and shoves Rehaan out of the way, hitting the cat with his tentacle and sending it almost across the room on impact. Rehaan and the crewmates gasp in horror as they run towards the cat that has now gottan back on their feet and is hissing at Qwats.

And that’s when Rehaans last thread snaps. He tackles Qwàts and sends him to the ground. When Ztrè and Qatàa garbs Rehaan, Qwàts is already covering his face in fear, trembling.

Rehaan: Fucking deserved it.

Rehaan gently pushes the two other away from him and sprints towards his cat.

Alex: They’re totally fine. There is only a small bruise because they hit the floor, but overall no broken bones.

Qwàtz quickly stands up.

Qwàtz: Amazing!

Rehaan and the rest turns to him, confused.

Sara: What do you mean amazing?! You kicked the poor cat!

She yells furiously.

Qwàtz: So not only does humans protect their own kind if threatened or attacked, but also will protect everything they grow an affection to!

Rehaan: …So you tried to get an answer to a question you could just ask us about, but rather made us feel horrible for weeks?

Qwàtz: I mean I why not? I wished to try out something new to see how you guys response to it. I did not mean any harm, and i did not intend to damage your …

Rehaan: Cat

Qwàtz: Cat. But yea Qatàa made me do it since we were playing something called truth or da-

Rehaan: YOU MOTHERFU-

And that’s how Qatàa ended up getting a black eye

*Applause*

I hope you guys enjoyed it.

I wanna try writing situations about humans are wierd, humans are space orcs and ect

Got any ideas? Because everything i come up with is already written down 🧍

First of all I'm just gonna thank @uhm24 for writing about Aliens getting to know people who have different sexualities and genders than other people :)

But i got another request, since I'm not a writer, and english isn't my first language :')

Anyone can volunteer C:

(I feel like I'm asking for too much since i did ask for a request yesterday, but let's not rush, I'll be patient.)

2nd Request:

- Aliens finding out two of the humans in their ship are trans by hearing two other humans talking shit behind their back. They approach them, interested and ask what them being a "trans" is (if you aren't trans, and you think of writing this, please do not write the t slur since the word is offensive to the trans community.)

I wish you good luck if you've thought of writing this!

I love Humans are wierd, Humans are orcs, ect. I have read about humans breaking bones, and walking around as if nothing happened, or that some humans give birth.

But what i really really wanna read about, is some humans liking the same gender, all genders, or none of them at all, and having another gender identity than their sex assigned at birth, and more. And the aliens are so confused, but supportive because they realise they get a lot of hate and discrimination from some of the other humans in the spaceship

Istg if someone wrote about this

I will marry you /j

Humans being the first. Not the strongest or the smartest or the weirdest or the most violent. Just the first.

We called out into the dark over and over. We sent out messages in hopes. We searched every planet we could reach, in hopes of any sign of life. Any at all.

We thought, hoped we were the last, because we couldn’t bear the idea of being the one ones this awake and alive in a world as vast as this.

And we died alone.

When the others are born, many many years later, they find us, everything we left for them.

They recover The Golden Record and look at it a million times over, they dig up our fossils and put us in museums, they study us for years and years, loving us as we love our ancestors’ painted hands on cave walls.

In a lot of their languages, the word they use for us has the same root for “mother”.

Humans are weird: Throwing.

I'm really into the whole humans are weird trope, and I know I'm like years overdue.

Humans are distinct in our ability to throw objects, especially with the speed, strength and precision we throw them with. We are the only species on earth that can throw like that.

It's even scientifically impossible for us to be able to throw. It's not even controlled in our brains because that would be too slow. It's controlled in the muscles in our arms, we do it without even thinking about it.

Just imagine a human a pen into the trash 3 meters away, and aliens being so confused.

She loves them dearly (seriously she does!) character backstory

Gaia is the creator and destroyer of man.

Every human being (who may or may not be half human) automatically belongs to her. They remain hers until the human being decides whether or not to submit to another God/ Goddess.

She is a chaotic neutral. She desires that humans adapt to everything and outperform everyone else. She despises it when her "children" come second to anything. It makes no difference whether they enjoy it or not.

Humans are considered her because she created them by ripping skin and using her own blood. When she realized that wasn't going to be enough to make the alive , she tore tiny pieces of her soul and stuffed them into Human bodies in order for them to become sentient.

The gods and goddesses are whispering that she did this to use humans as a weapon. Some believe she made them adaptable in hopes that when they have children, they will be stronger than their forefathers. As a result, humans can produce children with nonhumans.

Once a human begins to completely worship her, there is no turning back. For her, either you worship her or you will eventually.

The tests she subjects humans to are grueling. Most people will not be able to get past the tutorials of the trials she has put them through, but that is the point. They must devise strategies to get through those difficulties without her or outside assistance

Even if they fail, they can try again. She says, and I quote "It makes no difference what my children do; if they believe they are ready, they are. They cannot turn their backs when it becomes too difficult. They will not be a coward because I am not one."

Once they have passed her trials, their job is to ensure that other humans come to her because "after all, mother hates it when her child calls someone else mother." Their job also entails ensuring that they have children so that they can study under her and only her. She teaches them not to bow their heads to anyone. Especially not her.

She teaches her children that they are gods, and that they do not need to bow their heads to any other God but themselves, and that anyone who says otherwise deserves to be killed, including the gods.

Even with those small murmurs of her using humans as weapons for some unknown purpose, some gods believe there is a place with billions of humans. On a world that even the darkest of dark gods will not make nor enter, where the humans she obviously loves ripped themselves apart for her fav-love. I ment love. When they die, they end up at her house, where she rebuilds them and sends them back. To fortunately or unfortunately repeat the cycle. (Ps this is my first story so let me know how it is.🥹)

no >:3

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

Edit 4: STOP REBLOGING THISSSSSS