Dive Deep into Creativity: Your Ultimate Tumblr Experience Awaits
Earth Is Space Australia - Blog Posts
Hey what if an alien was given access to the internet(in the name of science the humans said) and the aliens stumbled upon anime. Like imagine they watch Naruto, Tokyo Ghoul, Boku no Hero Academia or Bleach. They would be scared shitless(and confused). Like did humans developed powers?, their gods want them dead!!?, they can come back to life?!? There are giants on earth?!?!?! It would be a whole thing that put half the galaxy in a state of terror and panic. All because the human who gave access to the internet said that it's all factual. And once the conflict was resolved and explained, the humans decided to make an alien friendly internet while thanking the gods they haven't found worse ..... stuff.
Zim wasn't afraid of anything. Then he discovered Earth...
As much as I love ‘Earth is space Australia’, I love ‘Earth is Space Australia and the aliens haven’t figured it out yet!’ far more. ‘Cause lets face it, humans have a great ability to go on and on about minor inconveniences while at the same time severely underplaying the big ones. So aliens get the impression that humans are incredibly weak because we spend a day in bed from a headache, or gripe for an hour about a paper cut and then turn around and walk on a broken leg or consider a gushing head wound nothing to worry about.
so I want aliens to get the impression that earth is a perfectly normal place to live, a couple of dangerous fauna, maybe some troubling weather patterns but nothing too terrifying. Then an earthling makes an offhand comment about earthquakes (and the alien’s think that they are joking because the earth’s crust? moving? Ridiculous!) But another chimes in and they think that it’s just a normal thing? That happens sometimes? and then they start talking about tornadoes and what is this?
And the weather has nothing on the animals! The aliens are used to some large toothy predators, maybe a couple of little poisonous skittering things. But large orange felines that are capable of blending effortlessly into their environment? Rodents capable of chewing through metal? Small fish that climb into your reproductive organs and cannot be removed?????? That is horrifying. Even the most innocuous of their tiny insects is capable of carrying horrendous diseases.
Like I just want aliens standing there staring in horror as a group of earthlings casual discuss their near death escapes as though they are completely normal and nothing to worry about and slowly come to the dawning realisation that these people are insane.
You know what kills me? Artificial flavors. The notion that somewhere, sometime, there was a rogue blue raspberry. I’ve never seen this fictitious blue raspberry. I have no idea what a blue raspberry should taste like. I know what blue raspberry candy tastes like.
How about apple? Watermelon? Grape? Grape flavored cough syrup? More like fake Concord grape abomination. Yet we accept that this is what they represent. No one believes that watermelon candy actually tastes like watermelon, but if you blindfolded someone and had them eat some, they’d say it was watermelon.
H O W ? ? ?
“Hey, Menah-Tal, I got some candy in a package from home. Do you want to try some?”
Menah-Tal took the bright yellow wrapped candy from Brett. He started to put it in his mouth before Brett stopped him.
“Unwrap it first. There’s a joke on here too - eh, it wouldn’t make sense.”
Menah-Tal gingerly “unwrapped” the candy and took the sticky substance out. These humans. How do they tell what is edible and what isn’t? Menah-Tal watched wistfully as Brett put the tasty-looking wrapper in garbage receptacle. Menah-Tal put the candy in his mouth and sucked on it thoughtfully.
“What is this supposed to taste like on your world, Brett?”
“Banana.”
“Ah.” Menah-Tal continued to suck sagely. “So that’s what ‘banana’ tastes like.”
“Well, it doesn’t actually taste like banana.”
Menah-Tal blinked his three eyes slowly. Why. Why is everything so complicated.
“We had a banana crisis back in the fifties. The banana flavor you’re tasting is modeled after an extinct variety. The only kind we have now doesn’t taste much like that at all.”
Menah-Tal struggled to open his mouth now that the candy had cemented itself around his teeth.
“So your kind has a sweet substance that they eat for enjoyment that is flavored to taste like an extinct fruit?”
Brett shrugged.
“Yup.”
Menah-Tal licked his finger.
“Sounds about right.”
Hey all you Humans are Weird writers- why haven’t any of you written about how an entire generation is still defensive over Pluto’s loss of planetary status because we all collectively packbonded with a planet.
We abducted humans.
To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).
But we underestimated humans.
It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.
But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.
Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.
But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.
He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.
We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.
First of all I'm just gonna thank @uhm24 for writing about Aliens getting to know people who have different sexualities and genders than other people :)
But i got another request, since I'm not a writer, and english isn't my first language :')
Anyone can volunteer C:
(I feel like I'm asking for too much since i did ask for a request yesterday, but let's not rush, I'll be patient.)
2nd Request:
- Aliens finding out two of the humans in their ship are trans by hearing two other humans talking shit behind their back. They approach them, interested and ask what them being a "trans" is (if you aren't trans, and you think of writing this, please do not write the t slur since the word is offensive to the trans community.)
I wish you good luck if you've thought of writing this!
I love Humans are wierd, Humans are orcs, ect. I have read about humans breaking bones, and walking around as if nothing happened, or that some humans give birth.
But what i really really wanna read about, is some humans liking the same gender, all genders, or none of them at all, and having another gender identity than their sex assigned at birth, and more. And the aliens are so confused, but supportive because they realise they get a lot of hate and discrimination from some of the other humans in the spaceship
Istg if someone wrote about this
I will marry you /j
just wait until the aliens learn about dodgeball.
There’s a Humans are weird/space fae, Earth is Space AU post where aliens freak out over humans ability to throw.
An awesome post and yes sportsball would be great to show them but…
Frisbee, Juggling, Pizza dough throwing competitions, Bar acrobatic bottle juggling, Fish throwers at Pikes place Market.
“It’s weird.”
“What’s weird ?“
“Humans have a closer relationship with the dead than they do with the living.”
“Elaborate on that.”
“Well did you ever notice how they honour their deceased?
“…”
“ They decorate the remains of the being and then put it in a wooden box. That wooden box they then proceed to put in a small stone monument with some identification of the human. Sometimes they burn them instead. It varies from culture to culture. After that they repeatedly visit the remains and … how should I vocalise that… relive the memories they shared with that being ?“
“ But doesn’t that destroy the natural cycle of returning minerals into the soil ?“
“ It does. It also damages their emotional sensors yet they still do it.
“ Huh.“
“ But it’s not just about the weird boxing ritual. It’s about the process altogether. Humans give much more value to death than they do to life.”
“Can you give an example ?“
“Plenty. Their soldiers, their authors. Even their friends. While alive they do indeed get acknowledged. But when they die that acknowledgment doubles, even triples in size. It seems humans are blind to most of their possessions and are only able to see them after their loss.
“ That is quite bizarre. But if I can give you a word of advice - do not get too close to human psychology. A lot of minds were lost that way. “
“ …..I will accost your concern.”
„ Sir „ The alien asked his commander
„ Why are humans considered one of the most dangerous species ?
They do not posses any special powers ,
They are dependent on so many factors to live
They are fleeing , their lifespan isn’t more than 2 centuries ? “
The commander stayed still . After a long pause , in which the alien soldier already admitted defeat he spoke :
“ Because they learn not to fear death.
Not all of them . But some.
They overcome the biggest unknown the universe offers . They simply conquer it . They risk their life’s for war , for emotions , sometimes even for fun. Fully aware that their one chance is so insignificant . Fully aware they might not live to even a century .”
The commander turned towards the soldier .
“ No other species has ever learned that. Even our race , that lives for millions of years , shivers and screams as the dark void that consumes everything comes to get us.
Humans are terrifying because they play with that void on a daily basis. Some of them even long for it.
Can you imagine , soldier ?
A human could live for only 20 solar circles and long for the unknown void . How could it feel so much in such short time span ? How could it look the horror that the unknown brings and reach out for it ?”
The aliens eyes widened, and he stepped back
“ Everybody fears the void . It’s impossible not too” He didn’t fully believe his commander . Yet he couldn’t deny the insanity with which humanity moved forward .
The commander made a sound that was considered a chuckle in their race .
“ Say that to the next human you meet and watch, how they defy that in every way .”
Big Crew, Tiny Human
So I love Humans are Space Orcs so how about this...
Big terrifying spiecies of alien heard all these tales of fearsome humans. They decide to get one for their crew.
Xey never had another species before but this creature should prove worthy! Xe fills out all the proper paper work and such and wait. Finally xey get an applicant and accept right away.
When the human comes there is various reactions towards xere crew. Some in awe, some skeptical, others...puzzled.
The tiny human designation ‘Lily’ is quite small and feeble. Surely she is part of a subspecies of humans!
How can someone who is part of the most dangerous, legendary humans! ...be so soft?
Maybe xey should have picked up a human manual...
So if anyone’s interested in my alien oc who lives among humans do please ask questions
Humans are weird: Throwing.
I'm really into the whole humans are weird trope, and I know I'm like years overdue.
Humans are distinct in our ability to throw objects, especially with the speed, strength and precision we throw them with. We are the only species on earth that can throw like that.
It's even scientifically impossible for us to be able to throw. It's not even controlled in our brains because that would be too slow. It's controlled in the muscles in our arms, we do it without even thinking about it.
Just imagine a human a pen into the trash 3 meters away, and aliens being so confused.
i have only 2 words mountain lion, also why has no one talked about Africa??
I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.
They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.
Humans are Space Orcs “Action Without Order.”
Here is a story to answer a couple of plot questions and requests you guys have been giving me. I hope you like it :). If you have any questions , or ideas feel free to ask!
This wasn’t good, this wasn’t good at all. Captain Vir Stood facing them, as the two Military MPs pulled his hands behind his back locking the energy cuffs around his wrists. Krill stepped in to stop Sunny as she took a step forward eyes wide with confusion and worry.
From where he stood flanked by two massive MPs, the Captain lifted his head, “It’ll be alright, Sunny, Krill, this is just a mistake….. It will be alright.” Despite the reassuring smile on his face, his single eye was wide with worry, the usually blushed human skin of his face had turned white. Though he did not struggle against the arms that held him, he did struggle against something more internal.
“What are the charges?” Sunny demanded. Looking up, the two MPs stared at her in immense distrust and readiness, “I said, what are the charges?” She demanded her looming height casting a shadow. “Don’t you humans have laws for this sort of thing!”
“Sunny, calm down, let them speak.” He turned to look at the MPs who had gone from wary to calm and collected.
“Adam Vir, Captain in the USPC Space Corpse, you are hereby charged with the unlawful divulgence of state secrets, the harboring of non-military personnel aboard a military ship, action without order, and the harboring of an enemy agent. Your court martial trial will be held in one month’s time to refute this counts before UN representatives and Military council. Your rights, if you do not know them will be read to you at your request.”
“I know my rights”, Vir whispered before looking to Sunny and Krill, “Contact the crew, tell them what’s going on. I’m going to need them, and don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine. Keep your heads, and don’t get into any trouble. Follow the signs back to the LA Interplanetary terminal and show them your passes that will get you back to the moon. You can call the rest of the crew from there. Please stay safe.” They were dragging him off now pulling him in increments to the armored vehicle parked off to the side hovering with its glowing blue power source underneath.
Sunny stepped forward again, and Krill stopped her again, “No Sunny, You’ll only make it worse.”
Captain Vir was pushed into the back of the truck sitting down with his hands cuffed behind his back. He looked up from where he was sitting, the smile had dropped from his face.
***
Keep reading
Earth is Space Australia “Storm of Ice.”
“Are you going to bother telling me where we are going?” Krill wondered examining the camera feed from the hull of the ship and out into the vast darkness of space.
Compared to what he was used to, this part of space was relatively empty, no nebulae, no ice fields, and only the distant arm of a spiral galaxy to add light to their movement.
The captain waved a dismissive hand, “Oh, nowhere important.” Krill panned the camera around to face forward watching as the bright yellow of a terribly average star winked at them from the darkness. As fast as they were going, the star ahead slowly began to expand.
“Initiating breaking sequence, Captain.” One of the crewmen announced.
Krill panned the camera a little further to their right and watched in mild awe as the gas giant grew large in his vision dwarfing its moons a thousand times over. Bands of wind spun upon its surface varying from different shades of red and cream. They entered the pull of the gas giant at just the proper angle to cut across its field and around slowing all the while form the resistance of its gravity before continuing off into space and towards that average main sequence star expanding in the camera’s lens. Expanding much slower now that they had decreased their speed.
A couple of ships detached from the hull as they passed the next planet over.
Krill panned the camera over again in time to see the dark side of a planet winking at him with a thousand distant lights.
“Where are we, Captain?”
“Oh, that, just a midsized human colony.”
The ship was forced to turn following in a circular arc around the sun as they raced towards the next planet, a distant speck in the vastness of space barely visible against the light of the sun.
The captain took place at the helm and manually began slowing the ship even further. He wouldn’t have risked doing the same thing as fast as they had been going earlier, but now he was able to bring the ship to a slow drift as they approached the planet. Despite the captain’s wishes, Krill moved over to the navigation console and seated himself bringing up the current statistics on the system.
“Main sequence star eight planets.”
Keep reading
Humans are Space Orcs “Queen of the Journey”
Stuck on a bus traveling home for the holidays, so I decided to do some writing. I’ve had this idea since the beginning, but one of you readers recently reminded me of this idea again, so thank you and enjoy :)
There is something indomitable about the human spirit. It’s something no one, not even the humans, will ever truly understand. There are two ways of doing things in the rest of the galaxy. You can be isolated, and individual that understands only the genetic knowledge of his species. You may interact with others, you may have family units, but you will never understand those around you on a personal level. Or you can be connected, this comes in many forms, a hive mind or a collective well of knowledge the entire species pulls from. They understand each other quite fully. No one is ever alone.
But then there are humans, I won’t start by saying that humans are special or unusual because I think that has been said before. What I want you to understand is that humans are isolated in their knowledge of themselves. There is not a specie wide well of knowledge from which they can pull their behavior and understanding. There is not a template by which they live their lives, yet, somehow they can experience a welling of empathy to understand others around them. They seem to know the struggles of their fellows without the hive mind to connect them.
Not only this, but no matter where the human comes from, there is always an understood knowledge of thing humans can connect with. They speak of the same anthems, stories, photographs, and memories like they all have a personal connection. Though the humans were not born with a hive mind to connect them, that did not stop them.
They made one.
They share their knowledge by casting it out into the ether, to an unknown server of vast knowledge to access at their leisure no matter their location across the galaxy,
I know it sounds farfetched, but because of this man-made hive mind, the humans understand each other’s experiences in a way that any other species like them will never understand their fellows. A human from earth and a human from Mars may still understand each other and connect over the same things.
They have been doing this for thousands of years.
***
“Keep moving, human!” Captain Vir stumbled a bit against the weight of the slap delivered to the back of his head. Krill could hear the sound of his bionic leg desperately trying to react to the imbalance and keep the man upright.
Keep reading
Calling all human are space orc/ earth is space Australia
If you have an amino account, i have found a small amino community where you can share human are space orc ideas and chat to those who have a similar interest. So far it has seven members but with your help it can grow and become a community for all humans are space orc writers and creators. Let your creativity live here
http://aminoapps.com/c/HumansAreSecret
https://www.tumblr.com/shroomiethefrogwhisperer/759080545219198976/humans-are-crazy?source=share
People like my fuckin alien shit
So here. Have a list of all my characters.
Karen: Ship's mechanic. Human (American-Indian). Fun, snarky, mom vibes, dabbles in illegal drug dealing. She/Her, heterosexual. Has a brown bob with a side undercut, blue eyes, and dark tanned skin, lots of tattoos (including Rainbow Dash). She's like 36.
Steve: Comms Expert. Human (Korean-Japanese). Chill, easygoing, likes video games and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, can and will beat your ass at fortnite. He/Him, gay. Has short black hair, dark brown eyes, pale skin, and a few piercings. He's in his early twenties.
Moss: Translator. Human (Hispanic). Chaotic, sarcastic, an absolute gremlin, has a pet ratbird (keeps trying to domesticate the entire ratbird infestation that lives in the pipes). They/It, pansexual polyamorous. Has curly, bright green/pink hair, blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. They're twenty-nine.
Zzgnaru. Ship's Captain. Alien (Nobletsk). Tired parent vibes, serious, literal, bad at nuance, loves plushies. Xey/xem, aroace. Brown/black scales, 6 yellow eyes, white horns, spiky tail, pink claws. Xey're 52.
Amethyst: Navigator. Alien (Penaconian). Sweet, happy, literally a ball of sunshine, everyone's sweetheart cutie who also has anxiety. Obsessed with anime (Moss showed him JJK and AoT, and now he's into KnY, MHA, and, like, Helluva Boss.) He/they, demiromantic bisexual. Short blonde hair with purple highlights, hazel eyes, pale skin. He's 32.
Banana: First Mate. Alien (Zzbrk). Comedic, silly, madly in love with Moss (BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET), completely unserious like Captain Jack Sparrow unserious. She/fae, poly, omnisexual. Yellow/brown scales, vitiligo skin, golden eyes, shaved head, white spikes. She's 43.
Douri: Weapons Operater #1. Alien (Aaki). Depressed as shit, loose cannon-type shit, can and will eat your tacos. It/Its, asexual panromantic. Basically just a humanoid blob of orange slime. No one knows its age.
Josh: 2nd Mate. Human (American). Kind of a psycho, hilarious, autistic, likes sharks. And things that look like sharks. Steve’s boyfriend. He/Him, bisexual. Black dreadlocks, umber skin, dark eyes. He's also in his twenties.
Rhïianae: Weapons operator #2. Alien (Jawa). Collects random shit and makes guns out of them. Has severe adhd. Can never finish a project (took apart a secondary engine about a year ago and it's still disassembled). ??? skin, orange eyes, ??? Hair. Fae/Faun/It, demisexual polyamorous. Faun's in its mid-thirties.
Calixtian: Ship's Doctor. Alien (Penaconian). Likes doing experiments on beings of lesser sentience (or heck, same level-sentience, he doesn't care), mad scientist-esque, no one likes him. Blue-green hair, orange eyes, vitiligo skin. He/Him, aromantic. He's 46.
Nøræxx: Interplanetary criminal. Alien (Asgardian). Wanted for weapons smuggling and illegal mercenary work. Is the cavalry reserved for when Douri and Rhïinae are out, is the bodyguard. Dark hair, green eyes, tanned skin. She/He/They, cupioromantic asexual. 500+ years old.
Bastier. Comms student. Human (British). Clueless, cute, easily confused, has OCD, likes cats. Speaks 8 interplanetary languages (not including Earth languages, which he speaks at least twenty of). Blonde hair, pale skin, blue eyes. He/Him, heterosexual (bicurious). 19 years old.
The Ship. "Steroid Annihilator". Modified Class 8 Torigrian K-Wing Destroyer. Got its name when Zzgnaru, Karen, Douri, and Steve successfully piloted it through the Inter-Galaxian Asteroid Fields. Zzgnaru wanted to name it Ssjuokimbl (Conqueror of Rocks), but Steve suggested Asteroid Annihilator instead, and when they got it painted on the side, the artist doing the paint job spelled it wrong. Karen couldn't stop laughing for days.
Note: Steve is a Chill Gay™️, and Josh is a Chaotic Gay™️.
It’s a pretty average day aboard the ship. Karen is high off her ass, Moss is trying to make friends with the feral ratbirds that live in the pipes, and Steve is trying to teach Bastier (the newest crew member) how to juggle.
Zzgnaru walks through the ship with a deep sense of satisfaction. None of the humans have said anything weird lately, nothing’s caught on fire for weeks, and Karen’s almost out of drugs. That won’t be a problem at all in a few days!
As xey pass the common room, xey hear Steve talking to his boyfriend, Josh, and Bastier. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna buy a few new skins. My current one feels kinda lame.”
Zzgnaru immediately feels like xey’ve heard something xey weren’t supposed to. Xey retreat to the bridge, where Moss and Karen sit with Amethyst (a Penaconian), Douri (an Aaki), and Banana, Moss’ current situationship, braiding each other’s hair. Karen takes one look at xir face, and excuses herself.
“Zzgnaru, hon, what’s up?” She asks, walking with xem through the corridors. “I heard Steve tell Josh and Bastier that he was going to purchase some flesh,” xey explain. Karen gives him a confused look, and asks, “Do you remember exactly what they said? Because Steve doesn’t strike me as a serial killer or a dude who’d like human taxidermy.”
Zzgnaru thinks for a moment, and then says, “I believe that he said he was going to ‘buy some new skins.’ Josh and Bastier seemed to think this was completely normal.” Karen stops, and just stares at him for a second. Then she bursts into laughter. “Oh, Zzgnaru, bae, they were talking about video games. ‘Skin’ is slang for the outfit your character is wearing. It’s not actual flesh,” she crows. Zzgnaru sighs in relief. “Thank the universe. I thought I was going to have to call in the authorities.”
Karen just laughs harder. “You know you wouldn’t. I mean, I’m literally in possession of highly illegal drugs all the time, Moss is a stalker, and Amethyst and Banana have blackmailed almost everyone on our ship- and others- at least once.”
Zzgnaru sighs in resignation. She’s right, though. Xey’re not about to sell out xir crewmates.
why are humans like this?
Zzgnaru and Karen are walking through the downtown area of Karen's home city. Zzgnaru notices a shop whose sign reads "Tattoo and Piercing." Xey are confused.
"Karen, what is a 'Tattoo and Piercing?'" Xey ask, pointing one of their tentacles at the building. Karen blinks at xem for a moment, and bursts out laughing. She gestures to her arms, which are covered in artistic markings.
"Tattoos are basically just permanent body art. I have over twenty. And piercings are a type of body jewelry." Zzgnaru is still confused. Karen tugs xem into the shop, where a person lies on a table, an artist working on a caterpillar tattoo.
Zzgnaru starts. "Is-is that a needle?" Karen nods. "So you aren't born with those?" Xey ask, shocked. "Yep. And piercings are where you use a needle to put small gems and stuff into your skin. Not permanently, you can take them out." Karen explains.
The person on the table looks up, and recognition flashes over their face. "Karen? Izzat you?" Karen looks over at them, surprised. "Moss? What the fuck, girlypop? I thought you had joined a space crew?" Moss shakes their head, sighing. "Rosatttiiia kicked me off the ship. Said I was 'too confusing.'"
Karen laughs. "Moss, babygirl, you are confusing. You're the most gremlin-y person I've ever met." Moss huffs. Then, Zzgnaru butts in. "Does that hurt?" Xey ask, motioning to the needle. Moss shakes their head. "Nope, not really."
Later, back on the ship, Zzgnaru rants to Steve and two of the Penaconian crew members about how humans are crazy. "The ones with the patterns aren't normal? The unmarked ones aren't albino? What the crap is this, Steve? First Karen bleeds from her genitalia, now this?"
Steve ends up showing them his singular tattoo and explaining that they have ways to ease the pain.
I wrote two thingies about aliens and now people love me.
Guys.
I'm just a little goblin trying to be funny. Like, yes, I do art and fanfic and all that, but mostly I'm just ranting about my brother being a raging h0m0ph0bic weirdo and my friends being crazy gremlins.
Eventually, I'll have an Etsy where you'll be able to buy my weird art. But until then, please keep enjoying my weird shit.
(Also, would you guys want Karen The Raging Hormonal Monster and Human Poison stickers?)
I Am Menstruating, So Here's A Period Thought.
(Yes, it's about aliens again.)
We, as humans, eat a lot of food that other animals can't eat. Chocolate, grapes, avocados, broccoli, alcohol (although I did once have a cat who loved beer), caffeine, almonds, pistachios, macadamia nuts, any spicy food, tomatoes, the list goes on. Dairy products, everyone.
I am currently having period cravings. For hot cheetos, spicy ramen, raspberry-infused dark chocolate, and hot cocoa. Any and all of that would kill a dog.
But, would it kill an alien?
I once saw a thing that said that chocolate is a universally poisonous substance. And sure, I'll stand by that. If you give chocolate to any species except for humans, they will die. Miserably.
BUT! And this is a large but.
HUMANS ARE NOT ALL-POWERFUL, NOR ARE THEY ALL-IMMUNE!
Pokeweed (a little, deadly plant characterized by its red stem and purple berries) is absolutely lethal to us. One tiny berry will kill us. Oleander, a beautiful pink/red/white flower, can kill with any/all of its parts. Nightshade, recognized by its bright red berries, kills in less than 24 hours.
Aliens consider all of these plants to be delicacies.
Zygerin chefs whip up fabulously delicious hemlock soups for their patrons. Ytertjjijkis bakers utilize nightshade, pokeweed, and yew in all of their most famous pastries. Aàkî cooks use Oleander and destroying angel mushrooms in common garden salads.
But yes, chocolate is deadly to them. And the other 99.999% of the universe.
GUYS. MOOSEN.
Moosen. Is that the plural of moose? Whatever.
Moosen are FREAKY. Like, 7 feet tall, huge horns, CARniVOReS?! WhAT?
When you see an elk and you go: Oh, a large deer! That’s an elk. But when you see an elk and go: DEAR LORD, IT’S AN ELDRITCH HORROR FROM THE DAWN OF TIME, that is a fear-instilling, utterly terrifying MOOSE.
It looks like an orc should be riding to battle on them. “Ride, Bullwinkle, ride! Lead me to GloRiouS victory!”
What the heck. You can’t tell me there’s not a God, ‘cause nothing else is creative and crafty enough to keep these things alive for this long.