Thinker - Blog Posts

A partir de hoy compartiré las imágenes de mi calendarios a punto de imprimirse. Enero - Mente en blanco Uno de los temores más profundos es el temor a la incertidumbre. Existir sin saber por qué despierta la curiosidad que como al gato, nos ha llevado a espacios más pequeños que el átomo y más grandes que el mismo universo. Sin embargo la única pregunta que importa sigue sin resolver: nuestra razón de ser. Así pues, quedarse con la mente en blanco arrastra el natural miedo a la incertidumbre pero también trae consigo una infinidad de posibilidades, de descubrimientos. De vez en cuando conviene vencer el miedo, aceptar la incertidumbre y hacer una limpieza mental, un borrado de prejuicios con reinicio de ideas. . . . . . . . . #blocked #menteenblanco #watercolor #2019calendar #watercolorart #sketch #watercolorillustration #body #january #loose #mexican #watercolorstains #illustration #mental #thinker #colorist #isaaccm (en Mexico City, Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqflDIBgeCK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=nz44ppasgr8i

People I want to surround myself with:

bohemians, intellectuals, artists, idealists, philosophers, librarians, humanists, antiquarians, bibliophilist, cinephile, pacifists, dreamers, dancers, existentialists, cultivated persons, travellers, Parisians, introverts, vintage lovers, humanitarians, visionaries, profound thinkers etc.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Self reminder: Stop wasting your time for someone else to actually care. Stop wasting your time for someone to empathize the same way that you do. Stop wasting your time thinking that someone is willing to sit in your pain with you. They won’t ever. You just have to accept that no one loves like you. No one feels like you. No one will ever understand you like you do. So next time they ask if you’re ok, just stick with “fine” and don’t waste your time.

- Illustratum Paradoxon

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Inner Child Love 💞

- Illustratum Paradoxon

The devil is persistent

But my God is consistent

If it wasn’t for my God

I‘d fall far from existence

Spiritual revolution

Is happening inside of me

Spiritual revolution

Something Only God

And I can see

Written 7•15•20

-Illustratum Paradoxon

*The revolution is still happening.

The war for my soul is not over.

Clinging on to God

And anything of light. 💡

Pushing religion and bs agendas away

I just want YWHW*

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Forever Misunderstood.....and finally ok with that. 🖤 🙌🏼

You’ve allowed every other person in your life to USE you for their advantage. Why not let God use you for others advantage? Why not let God use you to bring Glory to him by helping others be used in the RIGHT way. Not USED AND ABUSED. Used and redeemed!Used and restored! Used and reusable for more use! Not broken. Not defective. Not abandoned. We are Gods treasure when the world says we are trash!

-Illustratum Paradoxon

God is the gps of my life, without him I am lost. Without his direction, the enemy will navigate me towards death. Death of my salvation. Death of my purpose. Death of my calling to be Christ like. Don’t forget to plug God into your navigation system. We all make wrong turns. Maybe even some illegal u-turns, but God will be there to reset the route and get you started back on your journey back to YOU. Back to HIM. Back to HOME. 🖤

-Illustratum Paradoxon

I think I’m done trying to be everyone else’s versions of who I am. We all perceive this world differently. I just want to see me from my own lens for once. I’m tired of fitting everyone else’s mold of perfection. What if my way is the right way for me. Your way is the right way for you. Why won’t we embrace our differences too? Let me be. You continue to be you.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

What if confusion is just clarity of another reality?

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Sometimes trying to make someone understand you as deeply as you understand yourself is fucking torture.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

I ain’t no digital thug

But on the real

Some of ya need some digital hugs

I resonate with you truly I do

I just wish you knew how to resonate too.

We don’t have to agree

We don’t have to think the same

It’s doesn’t mean I hate

It doesn’t mean I’m lame

I just wish for things that are higher then this drama

Higher then the pain

The lives lost

Deteriorating mind frames

All at what cost?

Wake up

Return from the slumber

Stop sitting around

“I wonder, I wonder”

Can life truly be this hard?

It’s so simple

To me honestly

God said love others

Let’s start there

We’ll see

Let’s be fair

Put yourselves in someone else’s shoes

Quit playing victim

And live the life God dealt you

Live it to the fullest

Live it like a full house

Live it like an ace of spades

Stop playing fearful meek mouse

Fight for what’s right

And hop off the band wagons

Jesus coming soon ya better quit laggin.

I say this with so much love

Not because I’m perfect

Not because I judge

I just want you to make it home

So we can party up above.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Sooo Yesterday I had a very public anxiety attack and yelled at a parking lot full of people....at Walmart out of all places! Sigh...Thank God for his Mercy & Grace because I was INSTANTLY mortified. But at least I can now laugh back at it because honestly that shit was straight out of a tv show. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I never thought I’d ever lose my shit in public. Anywayssss in other news. Today I PERMANENTLY deleted my Instagram. Something that was so weirdly hard for me to do was actually very liberating. I hate anything zuckerberg touches. I used to love IG until Facebook bought it. Scrolling literally pisses me off. So I guess I’m living pretty damn balanced lol. Public BFs one day and purging of social media the next. I’ll be ok...

-Illustratum Paradoxon

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Aka The Romantic Individualist 🖤

I was just thinking about how people have a hard time believing this stuff. Especially believers. If you believe that Jesus did amazing miracles and died on the cross and then ROSE from the dead. (All super natural things.) How is it hard for them to believe the capabilities of the enemy and the supernatural world in that aspect? They don’t want to accept that there is evil? Are they THAT blind? Also Christianity is always being attacked. Jesus is always being ridiculed. That makes it even MORE real to me. That all the focus is on breaking down the Christian belief and TRYING to take what Jesus did for us to be in vain. We have to understand that the Bible is LITERALLY the living word of God! Like my friend and I were saying today, you can be book smart but still a sheep. Being book smart has NOTHING to do with being spiritually awake. Some people just can’t see past the wool. It’s so sad. Some of our very own loved ones. 😔

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Every. Single. Time.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Do you ever become desensitized to your own trauma?? Like you’ve been dealing with it for so long that when you accidentally let it slip out in conversation and the persons like “um oh my god?” You’re like wow I forgot my life has been one unspeakable horror after another #noted

Dangggg

-Illustratum Paradoxon

very sensitive very aggressive

Sometimes my empathy turns to apathy.

At times my rage is hard to contain.

Why must I feel so intensely.

When I’m sad my world is crumbling.

When I’m mad you’ll feel my wrath.

I’m loving and kind.

I’m mean and moody.

I’m tired guys.

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Physically.

Tired.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

𝙽̷̧̣̣̇̄̆ͪ͜𝙾̷ 0N

“Responsibility is not blame. Responsibility doesn’t mean that you did something “wrong”. It doesn’t mean that you caused something. It means that you can respond *in the present moment* to whatever is happening. It’s response-ability. It’s the ability to respond in the present moment. To say that we are wounded is one thing. To say that we are inevitably stuck that way because of what happened to us a long time ago is to abdicate responsibility, because it means “I’m simply a victim, and I can’t respond in any creative, powerful fashion, to what happened to me.”” -Gabor Maté

"If terrible things have happened to you, you are to have grown wiser. If the worst possible events have befallen you, you should be the wisest of the lot, but instead of going wise, most people become wounded. In a state of conscious response, it is possible to use any life situation, however ugly, as an opportunity for growth. But if you habitually think, I am the way I am because of someone else, you're using life situations merely as an opportunity for self-destruction or stagnation. The most horrific things in life, can be a source of nourishment if you accept, I am responsible for the way I am now. It is possible to transform the greatest adversity into a stepping stone for personal growth. If you take 100% responsibility for the way you are now, a brighter tomorrow is possible. But if you take no responsibility for the present, if you blame your parents, your friend, your husband, your girlfriend, your colleagues for the way you are, you have forsaken your future even before it comes." - Sadhguru

They are literally talking about me. 😂 Also I AM a special snowflake. We ALL are! So I don’t feel bad for wanting to be treated like one! 💕 😛

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Little Enneagram 4 things

• car rides through the mountains with music. Don’t talk to me. I’m going to listen to music the entire time. Probably imagining and daydreaming.

• movie soundtracks

• Pinterest. Boards for stories you’re writing. Aesthetic boards for favorite book series. Boards for adaptations of your favorite books. Aesthetic boards in general. Boards for certain moods. Boards for certain memories. Boards for nostalgia. Boards that feed your interal daydreamings. Boards for quotes. And all of them are secret.

• I can’t do X until the atmosphere is right. Aka: I can’t do work on my computer until my room is picture-perfect. I can’t read until I have some hot drink and a blanket with me. Maybe a candle, too.

• “Does hot chocolate go with the book I’m reading? No, tea would be better.”

• rescuers. It’s not that I’m incapable, it’s just that I long for companionship carrying all this emotion and deep thinking. If you have a strong, confident, caring, CALMING personality I’m going to stick to you like glue because I NEED that in my life.

• keeping track of favorite quotes from books, movies, etc.

• did I mention daydreaming

• being extremely interested in Enneagram and other personality stuff partially because it’s talks about what makes you unique

• having so many thoughts that you have to write them down somehow to not lose them, and also having anxiety that you’re going to lose them because they’re important

• nostalgia

• being ashamed that your personality type is characterized by a need to feel like a special snowflake but also recognizing that it’s exactly true and hating yourself a little for it

• things have aesthetics. Vacations have aesthetics. Months have aesthetics. Music has aesthetics. Movies have them. Books have them. Friends have them. You don’t need to make a mood board or anything for them. They just have them. They exist in your brain attached to an aesthetic.

• I need. Time to be alone. Please give it to me, I promise it will be better for both of us

• if I trust you with my problems, prepare yourself for an emotional, deeply thought out deluge of personal history from the depths of my being

“I’m not here to fix anyone.”

Written: 1•30•19

Soul Connected

I was looking for me But I found you While soul searching I found truth That everything was in my head I was so used to past abuse Little did I know How my soul searching Would bring me to you I searched for my soul But my soul searched for yours Soul searching opened so many doors It’s like we vibe better We know we can weather any storm Sex was always amazing But now it’s more than our flesh Our souls make love Why should they get second best So many walls broken through I’m so glad my soul found you In the process of it all We learned the true meaning of This union Has nothing to do with rings, Vows, papers, or the fate of Divorce loomin’

-Illustratum Paradoxon

“Some people are neither friends nor foes. They are simply another follower on your timeline of life” -Illustratum Paradoxon

7•27•17 | Self Reminder|

Stop trying to make people understand you. This is your journey. As long as YOU understand you and your heart is in the right place, no one else matters. They will just have opinions. Ideas of you. But never a true understanding of YOU. Don’t feel sad over it. Feel confident knowing yourself, loving yourself & being true to yourself.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Illustratum Paradoxon

Written: 6•29•19

Maaaan I’m tired of being left on read There’s so much shit left unsaid I’m tired of forcing relationships It’s like my time ain’t worth shit. Let me not be tired no more Let me be stronger then before. Let me remind you of who I am. Wasted energy trying to show you me mannnn. I’ve become so transparent for you to see But yet it’s like you see right through me. So here goes let me remind you what you’re working with. Let me remind you right quick, have several seats Take your pick. I’m a Bronx native, Yonkers raised Bori-Italia pero I only rep the tribe I was only sent to earth to connect & Vibe Momma-daughter “divorce” Foster care system But despite of it all I would never diss em. It made me who I am A woman who refuses to fall. I most definitely strive to do my all. I got a heart of gold & would do most for many But I stay picky with who I keep near I rather stay a loner Then look for plenty Of fakes, lies and snakes. Mistakes. They rather show you love at wakes. People don’t understand there’s lives at stake. That’s why I don’t have time for fakes.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

The anxiety attack after you set a boundary is crazy. My hands are shaky. Palms are sweaty. I’m freaking livid! I just don’t understand it?! I’m cursed I swear. My grandmother would yell at me CONSTANTLY “Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble” little did she know how powerful such words were. People love me cuz I’m real and hate me cuz I’m too blunt! Or because I’m too moody or too “to myself” um why is it so wrong to keep to yourself? Why is it wrong to like to keep your circle small? Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to protect what’s mine or maybe it’s the only way I know how to protect my energy. Whatever it is. I DESPISE when people try to impose on me. Don’t push me to be social please. Don’t come over uninvited. These are triggers. I’m so sorry. I don’t like uncertainty or surprises unfortunately. I’ve been disappointed too many times. I have opened that door too many times. So now I leave it shut and protect me and my own. Ok so the boundary is set. Why am I freaking out? It’s the response! It’s me obsessing over if that person will talk to me again because I set a boundary! It’s me being mad I had to set one in the first place. But then again, High expectations are future disappointments. I’m tired of people having adult tantrums when another adult is clear on their wants/unwants. How dare you be mad at me for knowing what I want!?

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Illustratum Paradoxon

Ying & Yang