Self Destructive Thoughts - Blog Posts

sometimes I just imagine cutting my lip, like dragging the blade across my lower lip. i don't know why, I just do and I'm very very tempted to try it.

you don't care you don't care you don't care about me. I told you. I told you and you only acknowledge it with a "oh" before changing topics. what's new. nothing's fucking new cause you don't care about me. you'll respond with the same thing if I told you I'll be bleeding out on the bathroom floor tonight.

wanna cover myself and the bathroom floor in blood.

Screaming at the top of my lungs

"I fucking deserve this"

"Baby was it worth it?"

Guess I wasn't worth shit

i love my boyfriend but I can't stand the thought of being perceived or seen currently. I deleted the photos I sent him last night this morning cause I couldn't stand it.

can I really call this crying? when all that happens is my eyes well up with water and only one or two tears fall and they don't even make it far before it stops.

why do I barely bleed. I hit deep styros again (wouldn't say baby beans even though I think I saw a few)

and it's barely bleeding or dripping. why does this happens with all my cuts.

tha ks for ruining my night mom

now I wanna put on my shoes, grab my blades and walk down to the park to just fuck shit up

“Way to high, I'm way too drunk

I'm not gonna cry from the things I've done”

i don't wanna speak, I don't wanna do any form of communication, I don't wanna type or write, I don't wanna talk. i don't wanna move. i don't wanna do anything.

again.

again.

again.

i just want to not exist, just wanna lay and rot, just wanna die.

↓

↓

high on anxiety my thoughts make no sense and too many too fast wanna find a way to get a gun and shoot myself or I'll just try od-ing when I get home

i hate this I hate this I hate this

I need someone to just talk anything and random nonsense to or I feel like I'll explode maybe im just overwhelmed but I'm also really pissed today

fuck people I hate them I hate them all

i don't know what I wanna do I don't know what to do I wanna just spill blood or random thoughts

im so tired. again. and again. and again.

current mood is wanting to fucking cry, scream, and rip my skin apart and hair out but actually I'm just sitting doom scrolling or watching youtube letting these feelings sit because you just don't have the will to do any of those things.

wonder how he'd feel if he knew and saw the extent of my cutting and scars.

he should leave me. i don't want to be cared about. (he doesn't care about me anyways, made that clear)

want to commit but I got a thing going on tomorrow, so suicide debate is postponed. (I'm upset for no reason and hating on everyone)

I should've brought my blades with me to school today. i was so close to putting them in my bag yesterday and I should've.

i really really fucking need to right now and I can't go home for another 2 hours.

gonna fucking die or something

being pissed while suicidal is leading up to a great idea later tonight

wonder why I don't have the energy or motivation to finish my school work. tired of teachers getting upset.

my teachers wouldn't understand or go easy even if I told them anything.

sorry I can't get the will to finish and turn things in. sorry I'm falling behind. sorry my grades just get worse each year. sorry I don't give a shit about anything.

I need to stop going deep on my arm, its gonna bite me back in summer

feeling like blocking everyone but that just feels like too much of a hassle and questions to answer so I'm just going to go off the grid again without telling anyone

cutting myself back up sounds absolutely great right now

why's the depression strong right now

i feel so bad to the point I wanna cut

also cry, but I can't cry so I'll just sit feeling like this

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

i get worse when im on here.

i also get worse when I'm not on here.

if anyone has reblogged my posts, can someone tell me? i would like them back (you don't have to)

i was rotting-in-the-forest