Fearnot - Blog Posts

I tried the Kazhua workout and I expected to have 11 abs already.

#ballpensketch #ballpen #snowboard #breakday #hotelroomactivities #fearnot #themountain (at Ski Bansko) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsSBbIElU6r/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9tmpp6x726wp

Okay, let's get something straight (or rather, gay). This goes out to all kpop fans.

If I have to see one more comment or tweet talking about how weird/gross it is for fans to discuss an idol's sexuality, or come after other fans for suggesting an idol might be queer, or act all holier-than-thou and talk about how we shouldn't "assume people's sexuality, I am going to fucking scream.

And before you come at me with wild accusations, let me get this out of the way - in no way do I condone the hypersexualization or objectification of idols. Or anyone for that matter. But discussing someone's possible orientation or seeing something that points to queerness isn't inherently sexual or fetishizing and to equate those two things is disgustingly homophobic on levels I cannot even begin to unpack here. Sexualities of all kinds (gay, straight, bi, ace, pan etc) are all celebrations of humanity and while it is up to every individual how public or private they want to be with their identity, it is not wrong to playfully guess or acknowledge signs of queerness (especially when so often there are explicit signs of queercoding!)

I encounter people's internalized homophobia and heteronormativity everyday both online and in person but the level of cognitive dissonance people have about this subject sometimes in the kpop fandoms I'm in is ASTOUNDING. So here I am writing this post to deconstruct some of shit.

First of all, the "oh, we shouldn't assume their sexuality" bullshit. People assume sexuality all the time. Literally, so much of the kpop industry itself is built on performative heterosexuality. We see in this in how commonly idols are asked about their "ideal type" (usually clearly implying the opposite gender). In how the slightest interactions between idols of different genders leads to dating rumors. In how it's assumed, especially for boy groups, that the fandom is mostly women/girls. In how it's normal for fans to pretend they are in a relationship with their bias. Like, be so for fucking real, kpop fan culture is literally where the word DELULU comes from. So it's okay to assume sexuality with all of this, but it's not okay if someone teases or so much as suggests that an idol might not be straight? The only time assuming sexuality is cast as being wrong is when the sexuality in question is anything but heterosexuality. And coming from a queer person, if you have ever said this, disrespectfully, fuck you.

Because in the process of saying shit like that you are essentially insinuating, intentionally or unintentionally, that not being straight is bad or abnormal. Because why else would you treat the suggestion of someone's queerness as an insult? Why would the idea that an idol is not straight be offensive or demeaning?

Even worse, this bullshit, patronizing, hetero-morality complex shuts down any discourse queer kpop fans want to have about queercoding in the industry. And there is a LOT of that. Korea is conservative, coming out isn't the only way to affirm queerness. And not wanting, not being able to be out and proud does not negate someone's possible queerness, idol or not. So queercoding is often an important form of self expression for some idols and to deny that discourse is denying those very idols you claim to be protecting their right to express themselves, their personhood and humanity.

And the cherry on top of the fucking cake is that of all places to do this, KPOP? An entertainment business model that has literally been built on queerbaiting? As much as I enjoy kpop, as a queer fan, this is one of the less than savory aspects of industry I have to be aware of and contend with. And if you find yourself wondering how kpop queerbaits, think about the concept of "fan service" between members of an idol group. Fan service includes all instances of a group encouraged to perform "skinship" or flirt with each other to amuse the fans. Fan service is literally an euphemistic way of referring to queerbaiting and it is unbelievable how people don't even realize it. It's even more frustrating to see some fans having the audacity to brush things off as "fan service" when fans playfully (emphasis on playfully) engage in shipping. They don't even realize how problematic it is that such "fan service" is used for the viewing pleasure of straight fans and baits queer fans but simultaneously denies queer fans their space and voice and shuts down actual queerness in the industry. If you enjoy fan service (and nothing wrong with that by itself), but also demonize shippers or shut down queer fans discussing queercoding, you are part of the problem. Don't come up trying to say you wish the kpop industry would be a little less severe on idols dating or being queer, because you are part of the reason why the industry is the way it is.

To all my fellow queer fans, be absolutely unapologetic for your jokes or memes or ships or thought-provoking discussions on queerness and queercoding. There is no shame in our joy, we are not wrong or twisted for it. Because we know that we would celebrate our idols for who they are or want to be no matter how they choose to express themselves. Do not let people who would twist it into something perverted or bad, as an excuse for their own homophobia, shame you for the innocent joy of celebrating queerness. Do not let yourself be ashamed of it. As long as you are kind and respectful, love what you love and be queer and proud and happy.

I have heard few voices in the community against ai generated art, this is my personal perspective on the topic. But I also invite you to a dialogue - everyone who hates/loves/neutral to ai art in general and particularly on tumblr... Please explain your point of view, I want to understand you better😉

Carmen part 3 -

Benefits of ai for an artist in hardest days of disability - I can keep fulfilling my imagination even in days of very low ability to move. Of course when I paint I express something more authentic, but with time I compose prompts that give results that are very close to my imagination - which deeply satisfy and comfort me.