Scaramouche: Can Someone Come Bail Me Out? I Just Got Arrested For Being Too Irritating.

Deacon: bitch

MacCready: blocked

Deacon: wait unblock me i need to tell you something

MacCready: unblocked

Deacon: bitch

MC: let’s not forget that one time you literally killed me

Belphegor: how many times am i gonna have to apologize for that

MC: once would be nice

Belphegor: no

Itto, playing basketball: this ones for you, traveler

Traveler: oh no you really don’t have to-

Itto: *shoots and misses*

Leviathan: i wish i lacked critical thinking skills like mammon, he seems so happy

Luke: sure you may be verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god

Venti: i’d rather encounter multiple women who take astrology too seriously over even one man who genuinely believes in the sigma/alpha/beta male bullshit

Mona: gemini

Venti: never mind, the women are fucking witches there’s no way she could’ve known that

MC: You can address me as Eagle One.

MC: Barnaby, code name, Been There, Done That.

MC: Talbott is Currently Doing That.

MC: Bill is It Happened Once In A Dream.

MC: Penny, code name, If I Had To Pick A Girl.

MC: Rowan is...

MC: Eagle Two.

Rowan: Oh, thank god.

Kaeya: hey how do you like this picture i painted

Diluc: do you accept constructive criticism

Kaeya: sure

Diluc: it fucking sucks

Kaeya: that wasn’t constructive criticism

watching heartstopper for the first time and nick and charlie’s entire relationship being built on instagram dms and not once actually texting each other makes it the realist teen romance ive ever seen. i’ve been there, kings 😔🤞

Belphegor: how do i put myself in a coma without killing myself or giving myself permanent brain damage? My life sucks and i want to die but i think i might want to wake up later, plus i have a twin brother who i don’t want to scar

Belphegor: update: lol i don’t want to die, i just want to go to sleep for like a month

Belphegor: update 2: to all you idiots incapable of literacy, i didn’t ask how to improve my current circumstances, i asked how to induce a coma