I Radiate Light

Shine on

“I love looking at the night sky”

“You do? Weren’t you always scared of the dark?”

“I was- I mean I still am, but look how bright everything up there seems to be. Isn’t it amazing to know that most of these stars don’t even exist anymore, but their light still travels through space and brightens our nights? Something that’s long gone and still shows us its beauty.”

“That surely is wonderful.”

“I know, right?”

“But then what about the moon? It needs to be shown off by the sun, can’t even shine by itself and still - everyone is amazed by it. Isn’t that unfair?”

“Some grace needs help to blossom. I love the moon and everything about it. These nightly rays that light up the dark and then feeling them shine on me - that makes me feel magical.”

“You are magical.”

“Don’t you dare try to make this about me. It’s about the beauty of the universe.”

“But why? When I feel your eyes on me I feel magical, I feel like you help me blossom every single day and I for sure guarantee you that your beauty will forever shine on in this universe.”

“Don’t be silly, I ain’t got no shine. And it won’t be seen forever in no universe.”

“In my universe it will.”

It’s your birthday

I’ve feared this day for the past month

This night I woke up 8 times, thinking I forgot to tell you happy birthday as the first person on this special day like I always did, followed by a tight hug and a sweet kiss

Just to remember that you wouldn’t even answer the phone now if you’d see my name on the screen

And I’m hurt

Because I do wish you nothing but the happiest birthday ever, but I know I’m no longer part of it and I would ruin your day by saying hi

Happy birthday my love

May this year bring nothing but brightness to you

„If you’re not going to get any wiser, what’s the point of getting older?”

Letting go

I am letting go

It feels like I’m burning alive and being frozen at the same time

Withdrawal

Sadness sitting in my bones

Memories flooding my brain

But I need to let go

No one should ever be able to hurt me like that and still get my love

Not anymore

I need to move on

Even though I can only think about the good times we had

and it is breaking me in ways I can’t seem to explain

I need to let you go

Because all you did to me

Would be enough to break ten peoples hearts

And still

You managed to do all that to a single one

My one

My still deeply in love one

Maybe we will meet again in another life and our souls will have learned enough to finally make it work

But for now

Please let me let you go

~ honestlywhatfor ~

Reorganization

Panic attacks at night

Swollen eyes, crusty lips

Fear of existence

Coating my red face in tears

Shivers shaking my body

I’m a loser

“Come here”

Sudden relaxation

My hand clinging to the pocket on the front of your hoodie

“It’s okay, don’t worry”

Forehead kisses

Careful strokes over my back

Calming my breath

“I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“Dragging you into this mess”

“I don’t mind your mess, I’m here to reorganize”

Hot as Fire - Cool as Ice

They are so different, yet I‘ve loved them both. One irascible like a wildfire, the other as calm as falling snowflakes. With one I felt like I could conquer the world, nothing would stop us and still I’ve fallen for a man with whom we would build up a peaceful new world ourselves. Arguments or silence, angry tears or sad ones? “I love you”, they both said but were showing it completely different. Soothing and sweet or loud yet effective? Rebellious or settled? Fire or Ice? Ice or Fire? I don’t see it.

They are so different, yet I’ve loved them both. But one I can say: neither of them loved me right.

I still peak out the window whenever a car stops in front of our house

Hoping it’s you,

Knowing it’s not.

I’m still learning to get over you,

Because life has more in store for me than waiting for your apology.

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Full Moon

Seeing you again was

different than I had anticipated it

It was

Alright

For my soul somehow found peace in the pain that you had left me with

Learning and growing in the process of it

Phases

I’m a full moon now

I like your stars around

But I don’t need you to light up my night

I am the moon

In full beauty

Shining through the darkness

By myself

Like it was always meant to be

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Wonders

Lilac skies

Fading into snow sprinkled mountains

Soft winds

Making their way up the valley

The smell after rain

Blessing my lungs as I slowly breathe

In the middle of nowhere

As if I were the only person on this planet

And as I am standing here

Admiring the world we live in

Finding beauty in every single piece of nature

Surrounded by countless little wonders

All I can think about

Is you

~ honestlywhatfor ~

I have drafts of poetry in my phone I won’t ever finish

Words I started writing when times were different

I won’t ever get to finish them because everything turned out different than the thoughts of the past anticipated it

Not better, not worse

But different

So I now have drafts of poetry in my phone that I can’t finish

Because out of all the “what ifs”, fate chose the one I was most scared of

And the words that were written in the past are to delicate to be burdened by destiny’s cruel choices of today