Ranting
Ranting
I feel really sad lately. Feel almost alone because I feel like no one really understands me. I try to make friends online, but most people just blame me for things out of my control or just get upset with me because I struggle to take jokes or anything. I have two friends I really care about and I should be happy about that, but when they are busy I just feel even more alone. Feel like I'm almost dependent on other people which is bad and I need to fix that. I think I need to find happiness in myself, but it's so hard when you live with so much guilt and trauma. Feels like my own mind and skin is filthy and can't get clean so I crave other people to be around so I can take my mind off of it. I'm sorry to rant about this, I just don't know what else to do and wanted to get it off my chest and throw into void. I just feel scared to talk about my issues sometimes cause what if I word it wrong and someone gets mad at me? I'm sorry if this seems like a pity me or something, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry because feel sad, alone, and like I'm a bad person.
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my identity doesn’t have to make sense to you. when I have the energy, I don’t mind explaining, but at the end of the day it doesn’t actually matter if you understand or not. all that matters is that you accept me and respect me for who I am
— May 24, 1913 / Franz Kafka diaries
Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post
I don’t mean to be promoting this but I want this...
“i just had a realization. the first time i had anorexia– the worst time– i lost 15 pounds monthly, just by eating 800 calories and doing weight lifting daily. 15 pounds a month. i went from 143lbs to 93lbs in just a week over 3 months. i didnt even do all the crazy things i do now, and the weight still melted off. and thinking back, i realized, starvation is not the answer.
it’s consistency.”
—my late night thoughts🌿
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I actually used my AAC in public today for the first time. I know this might not sound like much to some people, but when I have speaking issues and end up nonverbal or having a verbal communication issue (I don’t know what to call it without people getting mad at me) I normally just stop talking all together and isolate myself. This AAC really helped me so much today and I don’t feel so drained physically and mentally from work. I’m really happy so now I don’t have to go home and sleep the rest of my afternoon away, I can play a game or read!!
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Also, I don’t know what you’d call it that I have. I was nonverbal for well over 7 years and have on and off verbal issues where I can talk some days but most days I’m completely silent. Recently I’m having an episode that’s seeming to last about 4 days.
I hate that chronic illnesses come with other chronic illnesses it’s like a buy one get one deal from hell
I go by Bisho. I'm chronically ill, Autistic, and Physically Disabled. I love Horror Games and Kirby so much. I suck at social interactions online and in person.
186 posts