Emptyspaxes - Bisho

04,08,2024

counting helps

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

Mahmoud Darwish, Life To The Last Drop

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

-Sylvia Plath

Hello world!!

Hello!! I hope to make a lot of friends on this blog and make memories worth sharing.

A little about me:

I'm an old soul, I cherish the little things and believe to be true to one's self. I love and care about everyone, must be why I get hurt easy and a lot. Everything to me is black and white. I am very passionate about motorcycles and art. I love science and health related things, and soon to be double majoring in Biology and Paleontology to attend medical school. I've only had 2 art classes my whole life, other than that I taught myself. I hope to get to know people on here and have a few tumblr best friends.

Much love~

Anuk❤

This is so true. I believe people should do what they need to to feel more comfortable just existing. I wish I could use my aac app more often, but my parents refuse to believe that my speech issues are still as bad as they once where. I was nonverbal for over 7 years growing up and just recently been able to talk a little bit with my speaking voice but now it’s getting hard again. I don’t know why it’s hard again. I went to speech therapy for years and now that I’ve stopped it’s like everything is just getting worse.

I made a small set of communication cards to wear on a lanyard. It's nothing super fancy, just index cards with basic info and sentences on them.

I don't know if I'll ever need need them because I can usually force at least some words or short sentences out even when it's really hard. I'm not sure if what I have is severe enough to be considered selective mutism, or any other specific, diagnosable speech issue, because I can technically still talk a bit.

Still, I do have autism and anxiety that make verbal speech hard, and I'm tired of constantly pushing myself to speak. Just because I can talk doesn't mean it's easy for me, or easy for other people to understand. I find myself trying to avoid people in case they want me to talk. Often I have to stutter the same word or two several times before I can find the rest of the words needed to finish the sentence. I've broken down crying while trying to ask simple questions at school. My autism and anxiety are real and difficult even if they aren't "severe" enough to make it 100% impossible to speak.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to accommodate for oneself even if you don't need need it, or can technically survive without it. You don't deserve to suffer just to look normal or be more convenient for other people.

If AAC makes communication easier, even if you can technically speak, do it! If using a mobility aid would make it less painful to go places, even if you can technically walk, do it! If turning on subtitles helps you understand videos, even if you can technically make out some of the dialogue without them, do it! You shouldn't have to wait until you're completely unable to do whatever you need to do before you make it comfortable for yourself.

Unless you're literally ripping that disability aid from someone else's hands, you're not stealing resources from anyone. And you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're using disability aids. If someone else doesn't think you need it enough to deserve it, that's on them.

I feel like half my body needs to be soaked in ice while the other half covered in heating pads…just the issues of chronic pain ⋋_⋌

Oh! Aiden now see Aiden old rb is poof and now Aiden need make define.

Ok so

Level 1: low support need, can do most/all basic thing by self

Level 2: medium support need, can do some thing by self but maybe need help with basic thing or have hard basic thing

Level 3: high support need, not able do most/all basic thing by self or have many many hard basic thing

Person able be between level!

I truely adore this...❤ he deserved so much better when he was alive. He is a true legend in my eyes.

I was thinking the other day and this thought came to me. When I finally decide to do tattoos , at least one of them is going to be Vincent van Gogh related, as my ode to him ( one of my favourite painters ) , cuz he only thought that he is the only person in the whole world that will forever love paintings that he made and no one else will do that … well I will carry one until my last day on this Earth so think again Vincent . I truly hope that he is in better place now and that he actually became one of his oh so adored stars that made him happy so lovingly much.