*releases Pack Of Dads Into Home Depot* Go……be Free

quick question for everybody following me: are you sure?

I need to get to a dentist soon or I'll just start knocking them out myself!

I'm in so much pain and I just wanna cry! I put high grade numbing medicine on it and it didn't do shit.

To top it all off, it's starting to thump into my head, causing me to develop a headache.

Seriously, it's so bad I hope I go into a coma so I stop feeling the pain.

And now, a brief look at the human fucker community on a monster version of tumblr

🐙 WetterThanYou Follow

It's so sad that humans can't breathe underwater, makes bringing them to my lair so much harder

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

Was anyone going to tell me humans can't breathe underwater or was I supposed to just learn that from a text post?

🐙WetterThanYou Follow

Please tell me you didn't seriously look at humans and go 'they look like they can breathe underwater'

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

I thought they were like lions and how some live in the sea :(

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

DID YOU THINK SEA LIONS WERE LITERAL LIONS?!

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

They're not? 😭😭😭

(10,053 Notes)

🐺HereWolf Follow

Vampires will be like 'I love humans' and then transform every human they know into another vampire. Weak. You are like someone who only watches Marvel movies and calls themselves a filmbuff.

🏏Batass Follow

Hey OP this is an important part of many vampire cultures so you should tone it down because this is really offensive.

🐺HereWolf Follow

You should get a culture that isn't fucking lame.

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

OP you are literally a werewolf. And into throwing stones in glass houses I guess.

🐺HereWolf Follow

Gurl you don't know the amount of effort I put into keeping my human girlfriend a human girlfriend because I love her for being a human.

(8,000 Notes)

💚CraftedLove Follow

In the club on a date with a human straight up breaking it. And by 'it,' haha, well. Let's just say. His sanity.

(42,069 Notes)

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Sick of getting added to group chats like 'plots to overthrow our lieges.' Yes, I am both an evil wizard and an evil vizier. But I'm not plotting any treachery because my king is also evil, and so is my queen. We are in an evil polycule and give each other evil night kisses.

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Also stop telling me about the evil queen's OnlyFans like the king and I aren't helping her run it. Who do you think is taking the pictures? You have no idea how many evil yet deeply impractical schemes it's given us the economic cushion to do.

(48,835 Notes)

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

Need me a human who will hold me like this and just destroy me 😍

♣️HeraclesOfficial✅ Follow

Hey.

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

WHY DID NOBODY THINK TO WARN ME HERACLES WAS ON THIS WEBSITE?!

(33,333 Notes)

New painting!!

"Love Always"

I miss spelled Toujours 😔

BABY, OH BABY.

✧˖°. SUMMARY : you decide to prank your boyfriend yuuji by avoiding his kisses.

✧˖°. CONTENT WARNINGS : nothing besides tooth rotting fluff & yuuji being precious.

You barely get a chance to greet your boyfriend when he walks through the door, takes exactly four strides and collapses face down on the bed. Peering carefully over the rim of your book you survey his current position, noticing the long and heavy puffs of his chest as it rises and falls.

"Yuuji?"

"Mhm..." comes his muffled reply.

You gingerly set the book down on the bedside table before shuffling closer on your knees, a tender hand carding through his light hair and some relief flooding your chest when you feel him relaxing beneath your touch, even going as far to push his head into your touch with a happy sound in the back of his throat.

"Long day?"

"Mhm."

You narrowly supress a soft chuckle at his current state before giving his hair a small ruffle. "Get undressed so we can go to bed."

Five minutes and one power shower later Yuuji eagerly slips under the covers, welcoming the warmth of your body and making himself comfortable as he settles in for the night. One muscular arm winds around your waist to tuck you into the side of his body, a curve carved just for you where your figure slotted perfectly, shadows melting together on the sheets.

"You feel like home," he mumbles, press one sleepy kiss after another along the slant of your shoulder. It's clear how tired he is judging by his messy his lips are but it makes it all the more endearing. "Love coming home to you. And the bed. And just everything..."

By the time he reaches the swell of your cheek you're quick to turn your face away, burying it into the pillow and effectively dodging his goodnight kiss.

Yuuji's entire expression falls and he looks awake as ever the moment realization settles into the grooves of his brain. If you were to glance over your should you would see him piecing the puzzle together, his brows knitting together until there was a deep furrow.

Did you just...?

"Does my breath stink? I brushed my teeth after the shower..." he mutters and you have to purse your lips together to stop yourself from smiling when you realize that a whine had slipped into his words, sounding much like a puppy who just got scolded.

You feel him shuffling behind you, sitting a little more upright as he leans over and tries to give you a kiss again. You only burrow yourself further under the covers. This time he does whine.

If you were to turn around now you should've surely been met with the sight of watery eyes and wobbling lips. You can practically feel the disappointment oozing off Yuuji as he lays behind you, fiddling with the edge of the sheets. He pouts, running scenario after scenario through his mind to try and figure out why you're dodging his kisses tonight.

He took a shower, brushed his teeth. Was it the stubble that was finally growing on his face bothering you? Maybe his lips weren't soft enough — but he had stolen one of your tubs of lip balm the other day because he loved the taste of it so surely it couldn't be that.

It's only when he inhales deeply that sounds far too close to a sniffle that you think you've resisted him enough and finally turn around to face him.

You place your hands on his chest, feeling the erratic pitter patter of his heart beneath your palm. "I'm just teasing you, Itadori," you murmur, watching as the confusion and mild panic finally subside on his face, slowly ebbing away as it's replaced with relief. "How could I possibly go to bed without a goodnight kiss from you?"

Your words are enough to spur him on and without an ounce of hesitation Yuuji's on top of you, both hands on either sides of your head as he swoops down to kiss you — deeply and unafraid, his lips move across yours with warm familiarity, savoring the way your lips tug into a little smile the longer he kisses you.

When he pulls away his eyes are a little glazed over with sleep but he still manages to mumble, "You'd tell me if my breath stinks, right? Or if I need to like... exfoliate my lips or something? Or when I need to shave more —"

"Yuuji."

"Huh?"

"Let's go to bed, baby."

Egyptology tumblr. Help. One of my coworkers at a construction site knows I'm an archaeologist and asked if I knew of Graham Hancock. We had an... interesting discussion. He seems reasonable and open to considering different ideas, but he is *convinced* there are no records of the Giza Pyramids being built and thinks that their construction is still a mystery. I told him otherwise, and he seemed legitimately interested if I could find sources and challenged me to do so. @somecunttookmyurl @thatlittleegyptologist @rudjedet and anyone else who might be able to help, if you happen to have sources or resources about construction of the pyramids. Please share if you're able/have the time. I can probably find some stuff on my own but if anyone has sources on hand that would be amazing.

The next time they tell you Americans are “happy” with their employer provided health insurance remember that that “happiness” is fueled by willful ignorance of what the alternatives are really like and fear of losing what little crappy health care they currently have.

Is anyone interested in me sharing pictures of the food I make?

Not restaurant or fast food.

Homemade food.

I made a pumpkin spice cake tonight. It was supposed to be a sheet cake, but I was like 'fuck it, I'll put it in a throw away cake pan'. I will get a pic eventually.

vegans making honey a bee labour issue is the funniest thing imaginable because like, you picked the one animal that has already unionised