Literary Stray Letters

The snow lying on the roof tiles is a touch hard, the dead trees’ twigs are sleepy like a deer; six o’clock on a winter morning, my head too is sleepy.

The birds pass by singing - the garden earth is sleepy like a deer. - The wood has fled, the farmhouse has fled. The sky is sad weakness.    My heart is sad…

- Nakahara Chūya, “Winter Daybreak” from The Poems of Nakahara Chūya

Quotes from she:

"I find that people are much more afraid of living - because there are more chances of being in pain. Not many fear death, but many loathe pain."

"If I gave you my heart you would chew it until it turned blue, and all the beautiful tapestries inside had been discolored, all the sweet melodies would turn into cacophonous shrieks. That is why I'll never give it to you."

"Do you think death is greedy and selfish, or lonely?"

"Some days, I feel a deep sadness for all the things I could not do or see. I stand outside and watch the sunset because I'm afraid it won't look the same tomorrow."

__________

Hopefully I'll finish her doc in February or something 🤩✨ I've actually loved working on her, she rivals my old OC for MHA, I spent four years on that one 🧍🏾‍♀️ The thing about BSD is that you get a range of authors, so you really need to think & analyze their philosophy and idealogy they display in their writing and poetry.

Lotte, WIP

Confessions Of Memories. | • 4.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

Mine never wanted me.

My father is something of a dead myth, and my mother was a criminal.

A perfect upbringing for me really.

Li Jing looked to the unfinished diary entry, the words burning through her pupils. Her eyes constricted, as she cradled herself, shoving it away with her foot. She scrunched her raven strands in her fist, as she chewed on her lip.

XXXX

My dream got eaten last night..

But I'm recovering.

"Xiao wasn't responsible, was he?" She sighed, to no-one in particular.

That was the truth. The secret that she so desperately needed to tell him. To at least chip away at his guilt- even slightly - wasn't possible. He would never know, because she would never tell him.

XXXX

I don't want to stay with her.

The page lay unfinished.

The next week after the entry, Li Jing was alone.

Loneliness plagued her life without hesitance. She dragged herself through a path that only led to more loss. Yet if she stopped, she would betray her mother. Being loyal to her mother was the only thing she needed.

She wished.

Li Jing shuffled to the door, quiet as she looked to the dawn that was illuminating him. Xiao was perched there, like his usual self. His breaths paced, body stiffly stuck in one place. She sat beside him, watching the sun glide over the debris of the moon.

"You really need to relax sometimes." She glanced at him.

"Hmph. And where's the time for that? Liyue isn't a place for rest."

"Then where is?"

Xiao hummed, looking to her arms. Her arms, were probably warm. But they had also probably forgotten him.

"Well what about you then?"

"History doesn't rest, so I can't either."

"Promise me you'll rest." His eyes clicked with her own, his tone soft.

"I'll keep the promise if you rest as well."

"Fine."

He leaned forward. He hesitated. With her eyes screwed shut, a soft warmth was pressed to her head, his sleeve dragging across the wood as he retracted. Li Jing's cheeks flushed, as her heart was pierced with ache once more.

"What are you guys doing?" The Traveller looked up to them, sleepy and worn with leftover fatigue. Xiao arched his brow, gracefully landing infront of the Traveller. Li Jing took the stairs down.

She linked arms with the Traveller, leading them away from him.

"The book you picked wasn't easy."

"Why?"

"The memories of the author are dead. None of their memories were clear."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I'll need to meet this village's historian."

She brushed her hair rapidly, taking her two hairpins out of her side pocket.

"Who gave you those hairpins?"

"These? Oh."

"One is from Xiao."

Her face flushed red with fever. Days were blurring together as she looked to the outside, which had a quiet pond. The only thing keeping the days apart was Xiao.

His eyebrows were furrowed. Xiao leaned closer, his lips pressing a soft kiss to her head. Her eyes were heavy with fatigue, the cold cloth on her head slightly aiding her.

"Get well soon, please." He murmured, placing a hairpin in her hand.

She held his hand, a soft smile glazing her face.

"The other is from my best friend."

The summer sun was set on the water, as they padded through the sand, their arms gritty with wet sand. She paused, dirting her dress as she searched for an item.

"Mei your dress!"

" My mom doesn't care. Here! I got us matching hairpins! "

"What'd she look like?"

"I can't remember."

-

"I remember you! You must be the village historian?" Li Jing quipped.

"Yes, it's an honour to meet someone who has been documenting for centuries."

Her chest creaked with unease. She looked at his dark eyes, chuckling lightly.

"You knew the author?"

"Quite well actually. She passed on just a decade ago."

"I hoped she lived well."

"She did, being the great- granddaughter of Honghui. "

"Honghui?"

"I'm going to marry Hui! "

"You're only ten!"

Mei huffed, crossing her arms.

"True love doesn't wait, does it?"

"I can't believe she's dead. She was only 18!"

"Honghui is so distraught, he won't even leave his study."

"Yeah, he's an old name now. His tale is quite sad- moving on, you needed information for the book?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Make yourself at home."

"I'll be leaving in fifteen minutes, it's really not necessary."

She shuffled, tucking her sleeves to her side. The man glanced at her, his eyes lingering on her. Li Jing let her eyes fall to the table.

"No need to rush."

-

THE CONTRAST 😭

If I ask nicely who will rb this telling me what is the last song u listened to 🥺

[By The Sea]

Gif can be found here.

The beach sat in the sunset, the waves mulling over the sand endlessly. The sea was always restless, it had always returned to find something on the shore. Whether it was the remains of dead sea creatures that no longer lived, or the abandoned toys of a kid that once played there but had now succumbed to being a memory. 

Lotte sat on a bench, observing the endless life of the forgotten shore. Her fingers gently held the cigarette. It was unlit, yet she would still hold it. She didn't know how to let go. If it was just there, that was enough. The tears of the sea splattered once more on the sand, curdling as it was dragged back into itself. 

"You like the sea." He said, approaching her. His footsteps were muffled by the sand. 

She glanced at Dazai, before looking back at the sea. She remained riddled with silence, the cigarette brought to her lips once again; no smoke followed. The sea and the sand, even with all their different hues, seemed tainted blue. 

"I need the sea," She said wistfully.  "I can't be somewhere without the sea. I'd be miserable." 

Dazai sat next to her. "I suppose I can understand that. The sea is serene – consistently doing nothing." 

Lotte looked at the waves once more. "No, it's not doing nothing. It's moving forward. It may not look like it to us, but it is." 

For a moment, she became a window. She had allowed some form of understanding to be made –  a translucency. Her eyes looked close to tears, yet remained firm and unchanging. The wind yawned past the two of them, the shiver of nearby trees soon halted. Everything was unwilling to move. The air was damp, the faint scent of salt haunted its being. 

"I want a house by the sea." She said. 

She said it like a prayer. 

There was a moment's rest of silence. Dazai smiled at her, a pitiful expression painting his face. They sat for a moment, watching the same wave return to nothing. 

"A house by the sea? That won't be enough for you." He said, sighing with emphasis. He peeked at her with one eye open. She snickered and nodded. 

"You're right, I'm too greedy." 

Confessions Of Memories. | • 7.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

Days had started overlapping with blurred faces and rotting emotions that dried on the hill that was her memories. Her feet could only remember one dance, and that was to shuffle around the room of scrolls and books. Her mind was clattered, rearranging the books in pointless positions.

"You've been so mindless, gosh! Take a week off, that should be enough." Her co-worker sighed.

Please don't fire me.

I'm ting my best. I promise.

The sun made its way down the sky as she left, leaving her key with them. Her body was as heavy as broken heart. Her eyes were burdened with bags of dis-ease, yet empty with confusion.

One person was to be forgotten, yet they kept disappearing. No matter how many wishes of her mother's she pushed herself to fix, she was still left forgotten.

She slid the door open, letting her hair down. She glanced at the hairpins, hopelessly rolling them around in her hands. The house smelt of burnt rice, the flowers that grew outside dulled without water. Maybe she could tidy the house.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her body just felt too heavy.

"Jiji? Are you there?" Xiao asked softly, peering his head through.

He saw her, quietly glancing at the window he was perching on. He exhaled in relief, his eyebrows relaxing.

"What's wrong?"

"I wanted to come and personally thank you, but you weren't there."

"Just, my memory has gotten foggy."

Are you beginning to forget me?

"Ah." He stopped.

"Yeah."

His hand clenched, his lips twitching with a frown. His heart choked in his chest.

Summer.

The hot night wafted the area with a starless night, and a lonely moon. The wind brushed his scent onto her. She smiled, despite her chest aching. The emotional agony was sitting at the back of her mind, the dull reality of her eternal life being paused by his presence.

He brushed kissed her forehead, as if to kiss her doubts away.

Of course it could never work.

But, she'd like to pretend. The temporary feeling that grew, only had so much space.

"Please stay, Xiao."

"Call my name, whenever you need me." He looked at her once more, his hand resting on her head softly.

With that, the wind that burst around her left only a hint of him in the room. Once again, she was alone.

Her bed made her hostile. What nightmare was on the menu tonight? Whether it was marble or molded faces, she didn't want to see it. What could she do? Beg?

"Mei?"

"Who else brings you to the beach?" She chuckled.

"This is your favourite moment at the beach, isn't it?"

The sun spiralled into the ocean, the sky tinted with setting grey. The sand was cold, and damp. The small rocks were littered across the vast area. Her face was missing once again, but she could see her expression.

It was smothered.

"You have a good memory." Mei pranced.

"Sometimes,"

Sometimes I can't remember want I want to.

"Sometimes?"

"It feels like a curse."

"How can having a good memory be a curse?"

Li looked felt her eyes burn, as she grabbed Mei's arm, her grip pleading.

"Because whatever I remember never makes me happy." She sniffled.

"It's tiring. I'm forgetting everyone. I don't want to. I don't want to!" Her voice was absolute, the beach dead with her resolve, Mei silent.

She sighed, patting her head.

"How much happiness are you going to sacrifice?"

You don't have to live like this.

-

asami muehehe >_<!!

Considr liking? (*^▽^)/★*☆♪!!

No because it literally wouldn't make sense, am I right?? Right?? 😭

Plus I don't think it narratively makes sense, I think Asagiri is showing the uhh uhh night to dawn affect? Where the darkest moment happens before dawn? What dawn is?? I have no clue 😭 I'm guessing Ranpoe have something going on with Poe's ability, like a book that can mimic a page writing? Or projecting it onto a global level?? To somehow change the narrative??

I DIGRESS. THAT MAN LIVES. He's probably going to tell Atsushi all about his prison time when they get back to the agency DJDJD

*Chp 109 Spoilers*

I don't care what y'all say Dazai is not dead and no I am not considering the fact that denial is the first in the five stages of greif

From Asagiri’s “Reception of Modern Literature” lecture at Chuo University’s Hakumon Festival. It's quite interesting, so sharing it here. It's confirmed that there'll be more arcs after this one is finished!

I take a one month break only to return to find my favourite wet cat has a broken foot