spoiler-alert-andabunchofnumbers

Latest Posts by spoiler-alert-andabunchofnumbers

So I was playing around with the idea of a TTS reader, ya know maybe hearing my work read aloud will help inspire me to continue this fic, get immersed in it. Obviously I'm worried about AI and copyright and outside sources seeing my work, but I dived down the rabbit hole of these TTS readers and how they charge people.

Rant incoming of course

Like you would think, "TTS is a handy thing to help with disabilities, a little convenience in life, it should be free or at least cheap, like subtitles. Maybe they're not always perfect but they do help! If you want something better than the basic bot, then you pay, but like how much can it ACTUALLY be - there are words everywhere!"

They charge by the CHARACTER not by the word, first of all, which is absurd, but fine whatever. For context, a 4k chapter of mine is upwards of 20k characters, and about 100 pages of writing in my docs is around 300k characters, but at least I can have that comparison at my fingertips.

Most "free" character limits are 3k. Not 3k words, 3k CHARACTERS. One place had 3k characters of Premium and 3k of non-premium, so it's technically 6k characters a day for their free version, but that's the best I could find skimming the fine print of a bunch of these things.

The paid plans though, hoo boy let's do some math! They preach "unlimited" for the non-premium voices, your basic bots that may be grating on the ear but they get the job done? But the premiums still have limits, of course.

200k characters a day and 1 million characters a month was one of the plans. So around 40k words a day up to 50 of my 4k chapters a month, and closer to 20 of my normal 10k+ word chapters (not including when I re-read a single chapter multiple times for editing or my own amusement). That's 200k words, not including repeats. For $11 a month or the yearly $48. I've seen $150 for 1M a month on one, feel free to tell me if you've seen worse

Up a tier is 500k a day and 2.5M a month. 25 4k word chapters a day, up to 125 a month; 8 or so 10k+ word chapters a day, closer to 40 a month. For $21 a month or $120-$180 yearly (depending on which reader you find).

If you have ever seen my chapters before, you'll see how inconvenient this is, having a daily limit of being able to listen to up to 8 chapters, not even including when I just want to reread them for my own amusement - although I suppose you could record and download them for infinite use, but what if I rewrite, add, or fix errors or entire paragraphs? Then I have to make a whole new one.

There was one version toying with the idea of a pay-as-you-go feature, ya know, basically virtual TTS currency, 200k characters for $10, 1M characters for $40, use them as you please, your time limit to use them is 1 year but every renewal no matter how tiny also renews the end date for when they expire, so a little better for my ADD ass who who'll write like 3M characters in 3 months and then go radio silent for another 6 months.

Anyway so long story short I feel better about myself, seeing I'm way too powerful for TTS to keep up with, but also sad because even if I'm willing to shill out for a voice that doesn't sound robotic AF on my work, I'm still too powerful. I, American English as I am, prefer the non-premium British voices, they somehow sound a little less bot-like but idk.

It's all AI anyway, I should just pay a voice actor to read my stuff every time I write, it'd probably be more environmentally friendly and cost-effective.

So if you made it this far for some reason tell me how many characters you wrote today so you have a bigger number than your word count, I'm up to 25k on this chapter I'm not even done with

Crisis Core (2008) | Platform: PlayStation Portable

Hello I have a question everyone is going on about Hua Cheng hating Feng Xin despite being loyal to Xie Lian. What do you think of the reason Hua Cheng hatred towards Feng Xin?

Hey Anon! thank you for your question, I'll do my best to answer it :)

First of all, I think it's important to keep in mind that Hua Cheng has reasons to hate Feng Xin outside of his treatment of Xie Lian. Though out of the two, Mu Qing treated Hong Hong-er the worst - arguing that a visibly starved and abused child was lying about having no one caring for him and then later kicking him out of the army out of jealousy - Feng Xin really wasn't much better:

The young child shook his head, but Mu Qing said, “There must be. If he doesn't go back, his family will surely be worried sick looking for him.”

“No, no way! There's nobody!” that young child cried, sounding like he was afraid to be sent back, and he opened his arms reaching for Xie Lian. He was still covered with mud and blood, and Feng Xin couldn't stand it anymore.

“What're ya doin’, kid? Things were urgent earlier, so whatever, but shouldn't you know better by now? This is the crown prince. His Highness the Crown Prince. Do you understand?”

That young child's arms immediately shrank back, but he was still gazing at Xie Lian.

Vol 2, page 362

We see this treatment of Hua Cheng continue all the way to the reveal in Mount Tonglu's caves: because of what Hua Cheng is - a beggar child, a ghost king - he shouldn't be near Xie Lian - a crown prince, a god - and his adoration for Xie Lian and desire to be near him is openly treated by Feng Xin as inappropriate and disgusting, as something Xie Lian needs to be “protected” from at all cost - if Xie Lian wants to or not.

After walking for a while, Feng Xin spoke up. “No. I still don't think Your Highness should hold a strange child for everyone to see.”

“What's the problem?” Xie Lian asked.

“You're the crown prince!” Feng Xin exclaimed. While he spoke, he saw a worn-down handcart further up the alley and said, “Put the kid in the cart and pull it.”

Mu Qing immediately voiced, “Just so we're clear, I will not pull that thing up the mountain.”

”No one's asking you to,” Feng Xin said. He reached out and yanked the child from Xie Lian's arms, and the child started struggling again.

Vol 2, page 364

Because Xie Lian is nobility, in Feng Xin's eyes he shouldn't be seen carrying a child of the lowest class. Keep in mind that it was Xie Lian's own decision to carry Hong Hong-er himself and that the child had repeatedly made clear it didn't want to be carried by anyone else. But Feng Xin still takes Hong Hong-er away from Xie Lian, the only person that the child feels safe with and is being treated well by. Not to mention that he's yanking a child around that he knows has recently been brutally beaten, with no apparent care for its injuries.

Once Mei Nianqing divines Hong-er's fate, Feng Xin treats him like everyone else does except for Xie Lian - as if he's not a human being but some kind of dangerous monster that Xie Lian shouldn't even touch:

The Deputy State Preceptors blocked Hong Hong-er, and the State Preceptor backed away, yelling, “Make him leave the mountain, hurry! Don't touch him, I mean it! That fortune is too toxic; don't touch him!” The Deputy State Preceptors hurriedly moved aside, and Mu Qing and Feng Xin didn't know whether to act.

Seeing that everyone was avoiding him like he was poisonous vermin, the child was shaken and started thrashing even harder, biting and screaming with all his might. “I'm not! I'm not!! I'M NOT!!!”

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, encircling his small form. A voice came from above his head. “You're not. I know you're not. Don't cry, now. I know you're not.”

[...] A while later, the State Preceptor said, “I mean it. It's best if you let go.”

Feng Xin finally came to his senses and exclaimed, “Your Highness! Let go! Be careful of…”

Vol 2 page 380+ 382

So what we've established is that Feng Xin treated Hong Hong-er at best like a nuisance that Xie Lian shouldn't be seen caring for because of the class differences, and some kind of dangerous inhuman thing at worst. Now, since that was the way everyone but Xie Lian was treating him back then, I actually don't think it would stand out to Hua Cheng that much - but what would stand out to him was that Feng Xin, just like Mu Qing, repeatedly tried to separate him from Xie Lian, both through words and through actions, and that he went against Xie Lian's wishes in doing so.

Now we can tackle the other part of your question, Hua Cheng hating Feng Xin despite his being loyal to Xie Lian. And I think to answer it fully, we must first ask ourselves - was he loyal?

It's true that Feng Xin stayed with Xie Lian longer than Mu Qing did after the banishment, but his choices during that time tell their own story:

“Actually, it's… Your Highness, do you still have any money on you? Or something that can be pawned?”

Xie Lian was perplexed that he'd ask such a foolish question at a time like this. “Huh? Why do you ask?”

Feng Xin was sweating, but he replied boldly, “It's nothing… Just… If you happen to have some, can you… lend it to me?”

Xie Lian laughed bitterly. “Do you really think I have anything?”

Feng Xin sighed. “I didn't think so.”

After giving it some thought, Xie Lian asked, “Didn't I give you that golden belt?”

“That's not enough,” Feng Xin mumbled. “Far from it…”

Xie Lian was shocked. “Feng Xin? What exactly did you do? How could a golden belt not be enough to cover what you need? Did you beat someone up and need to pay them off? Tell me?”

Feng Xin came back to himself and quickly said, “Oh no! Don't take this to heart. I was only asking!”

Xie Lian pressed him over and over, but Feng Xin still swore everything was fine. Finally, Xie Lian said with worry, “Well, if there's anything, you must tell me. We can think of a solution together.”

“Don't worry about me,” Feng Xin said. “There's no way a solution will just fall from the sky. Your Highness, you just focus on solving your own problems.”

Vol 6, page 219

While superficially this might look like Feng Xin is trying not to burden Xie Lian with his problems, when we look at the actual context we realize that that's not why he is lying about what's going on. This is set during the time where they're barely managing to scrape enough food together not to starve, and are struggling to make enough money to buy medicine for Xie Lian's sick father. And Feng Xin knows this, knows that anything of value should go towards their continued survival - that's why he rejects Xie Lian's repeated offers of help and lies to him about there being no particular reason he's asking for money. Is that loyalty?

Soon after, he heard the Queen sigh. “If this keeps up, how will my son ever get better?”

Xie Lian could feel something amiss with those words, and Feng Xin replied in a quiet voice. “He's only like this because he's exhausted. Too much has happened lately. Will Your Majesties also keep a close eye on him? Please let me know as soon as possible if there's anything not right with His Highness, but don't tell him you did. Also avoid saying anything that might provoke him-”

Vol 6, page 220-221

Feng Xin told Xie Lian he believed him when he said that Bai WuXiang was back and was stalking him, but behind his back, it's a different story. Not only does he doubt Xie Lian’s grip on reality and his own mind, he urges Xie Lian's parents to also keep up the pretense and then report to Feng Xin behind Xie Lian's back. Is that loyalty?

And we need to keep in mind that this isn't a one time deal but a pattern of behavior that keeps repeating. Feng Xin keeps treating Xie Lian as too naive to be trusted to make his own choices, hence his trying to keep Xie Lian from caring for Hong Hong-er, trying to “manage” Xie Lian like an unruly child, and then all the way to conspiring with Mu Qing to kidnap Xie Lian away from Hua Cheng no matter what Xie Lian wants because they think they know better.

Xie Lian knelt by the stream and puked his guts out for over an hour, heaving until blood came up. After descending the mountain, he walked through the city for a long time, aimlessly wandering the main streets without a destination in mind. Suddenly, a hand gripped his shoulder and yanked him into an alley. Xie Lian looked around and saw an incoming fist before he even glimpsed the other's face.

“Where did you run off to for so long?!” Behind the fist was Feng Xin's furious expression, but by the time Xie Lian saw, he'd already been knocked to the ground by the punch. Feng Xin hadn't expected to knock him down so easily. Confused, he looked at his own fist, then at Xie Lian on the ground. Before he could think to help him up, Xie Lian had already crawled back up by himself.

Feng Xin's face changed, but in the end, his temper was still flaring. “You've got such an attitude! Dropping only a word before running away and disappearing for two months! Do you know how worried Their Majesties have been?!”

Vol 6, page 263

This is after Xie Lian ran away when he found out Feng Xin didn't believe him and was then lured to the abandoned temple by Bai WuXiang and severely tortured and violated. He was obviously not alright when he left and just from the fact that he disappeared for that long it should be obvious that something is seriously wrong - yet Feng Xin doesn't care about finding out, he's so angry at the way Xie Lian is “failing” to be the perfect image he's made up in his head that the moment he sees him again, he punches him in the face. Is that loyalty?

“Why are you being like this? When did you become this way?” Feng Xin mumbled. “I… I really don't know… I'm… Why did I follow you all this time - ?”

“Then stop following,” Xie Lian said.

Feng Xin couldn't wrap his head around that. “What?”

“I said, don't follow me anymore,” Xie Lian repeated. Then he slammed the door.

Four hours later, there was finally some rustling outside the room and low voices speaking. It seemed Feng Xin was bidding farewell to Xie Lian's mother and father. Feng Xin's voice was extremely low, the queen's voice was choked with sobs, and the king didn't say much, but there was a lot of coughing. The door opened a moment later, then closed. Feng Xin's voice vanished, and the sound of his footsteps grew more and more distant. Feng Xin had left.

[...] Before Feng Xin had left, Xie Lian had been afraid. Now that Feng Xin was gone, he wasn't scared anymore. But even though he no longer felt fear, he felt a deeper agony. Xie Lian had initially held a one-in-a-million bit of hope at the bottom of his heart. He'd hoped that Feng Xin would still stay even if Xie Lian admitted he had done things he shouldn't have, even if he became the worst version of himself. After all, the two had never left each other's side since he turned fourteen and Feng Xin was selected to be his personal attendant. They were master and servant, but more than that, they were friends. And Feng Xin had no one to care for aside from the crown prince either - or, at most, him, and the king and queen. But Feng Xin had really left.

Vol 6, page 273-274

And finally, as Xie Lian begins to crack under the weight of his trauma, Feng Xin leaves. Is that loyalty? Or, more precisely, we have to ask ourselves - who was it that Feng Xin used to be loyal to? Because from what we've seen, it was less Xie Lian the person and more the perfect image of a crown prince and a god Feng Xin wanted and repeatedly tried to force Xie Lian to be - a crown prince who doesn't behave inappropriately by carrying beggar children, who doesn't go against the orders of his Shifu, a perfect god who never falters and doesn't show mental or physical strain no matter what he goes through.

Xie Lian stopped eating and said gently, “But I can sort of understand… your feelings.” After a pause, he continued, “There was a period in my own life that wasn't easy. Back then, I'd always think about how wonderful it would be if someone could still love me for who I was, even if they saw me rolling in the dirt and couldn't get up. Though I don't know if there's anyone out there like that. And I'm scared of showing that part of myself too. But if it's someone San Lang yearns for… I think that even if they saw you at your worst, they wouldn't say something like, ‘ah, you're not so great after all'”.

His face grew solemn. “To me, the one basking in infinite glory is you; the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is you, not the state of you. [...]”

Vol 4, page 182

This is why ‘what matters is you, not the state of you” is the foundation of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng’s love - they love each other for who the other is, not who they could be or should be by any given standard.

Now, someone might say this is all well and good but Hua Cheng wasn't present for the above scenes with Feng Xin and Xie Lian, so those can't be reasons for him to hate Feng Xin. To which I would say, 1. the above examination was about questioning whether Feng Xin really was as loyal to Xie Lian as that discourse seems to insist by looking at what the text actually tells us. And 2., Hua Cheng did encounter Xie Lian several times during his first banishment. And every single time, Xie Lian was alone, in increasingly bad mental and physical states, with no one helping or caring for him.

The first time they meet again, after Mu Qing has just left Xie Lian and Hua Cheng is a ghost fire:

“I won't forget. Your Highness, I am forever your most devoted believer.”

Xie Lian forced down a sob. “...I've already lost all my believers. Believing in me won't do you any good; it might even bring disaster. Did you know? Even my friend has left me.”

The nameless ghost declared as if swearing an oath, “I won't.”

“You will,” Xie Lian said.

The ghost was insistent. “Believe me, Your Highness.”

“I don't,” Xie Lian said. He no longer believed in anyone, especially himself.

Vol 6, page 136-137

After the failed robbery attempt, when Xie Lian gets drunk and falls into a grave:

“God fucking dammit!” He slapped the ground and yelled, “Is anyone there? Is there anyone who can help pull me out?!”

Of course there wasn't anyone. There was only a small ball of haunting ghost fire, blazing unceasingly as it flitted about. After Xie Lian fell into the pit, the ball of ghost fire rushed over, seeming to want to pull him up - but it would never be able to touch him.

Vol 6, page 175

When the group of heavenly officials and Mu Qing drive Xie Lian off the blessed land and Hua Cheng can't help him because he's still a ghost fire:

Xie Lian lay sprawled face-down on the ground in a state of disbelief, his eyes bulging. One of the heavenly officials had shoved him while he was standing there at a loss and made him take that hideous fall in front of so many eyes. It was too humiliating. There were voices all around Xie Lian, high and low, filling the air and invading Xie Lian's ears. He stared with eyes that couldn't be wider at the blackened ground in front of his nose, then he slowly raised his head.

Mu Qing was standing not too far away from him - standing among those heavenly officials, his head turned away, not looking at Xie Lian. Just like the rest of them, he had no intention of lending Xie Lian a hand to help him up. And thus, Xie Lian understood. No one would lend him a hand to help him up.

Vol 6, page 196

When Xie Lian is brutally tortured and violated by being stabbed over and over:

Unwilling to consider this any further, Xie Lian couldn't help but cry out. “Hel-”

Before the phrase “Help me” could leave his throat, the same icy black belt was thrust into his body once again. Xie Lian's eyes widened in horror. The razor-sharp sword was stabbed in, then pulled out. The next person followed without wasting a second, and the next stab was shoved into practically the same spot. The sound locked in Xie Lian's throat finally broke free, and a long, painful scream tore through his entire body.

Vol 6, page 255

And it doesn't stop there - Feng Xin and Mu Qing both ascend again while Xie Lian is lost in the mortal realm, and Hua Cheng is the only one looking for him. That Feng Xin spent so much time in the mortal realm because he was searching for Xie Lian appears to be entirely fanon, as I cannot recall a single instance where the text actually suggests this. And then when Xie Lian ascends for a third time, Feng Xin and Mu Qing are too cowardly to face him, and only seek him out in disguise. And again, they repeatedly try to separate Hua Cheng from Xie Lian:

After a moment, Feng Xin turned to Xie Lian. “If there's nothing else, you’d better hurry back to the Heavenly Court. Many of the heavenly officials have no idea what happened in that ruckus, and they're still waiting for news above. Jun Wu should have been informed by now. You need to report back and give them a proper account.”

Hua Cheng laughed out loud at his words.

“What're you laughing at?” Feng Xin demanded.

“And here I was marveling at how straightforward you are, but it turns out you like beating around the bush too,” Hua Cheng said. “You just don't want His Highness to associate with the likes of demons and ghosts like me, so why not say so openly? Think it's not your place?”

Xie Lian cleared his throat softly. “San Lang…”

“As long as you're aware that he shouldn't be associating with the likes of demons and ghosts,” Feng Xin said coldly.

Vol 2, page 261-262

So, to sum up, when we look at all this from Hua Cheng's perspective - why wouldn't he hate Feng Xin? He's had zero positive interactions with the man, repeatedly witnessed him going against Xie Lian's wishes, and had Feng Xin try and separate him from Xie Lian over and over again. From Hua Cheng's perspective, Feng Xin abandoned Xie Lian to his suffering and forgot about him, while Hua Cheng never wavered in his faith, and didn't give up on looking for Xie Lian even after hundreds of years.

Throughout the entire novel, Hua Cheng is the only one who consistently respects Xie Lian's autonomy - the only times he ever intervenes is when Xie Lian is about to do something that threatens his own physical and/or mental wellbeing. Many other characters, Feng Xin included, repeatedly ignore or even violate Xie Lian's autonomy and the novel makes quite clear how important and profound the distinction is between how Hua Cheng treats Xie Lian and how everyone else does:

Feng Xin glanced at him and couldn't help but say, “...I'm a little surprised.”

“What?” Hua Cheng replied, not turning or showing a single trace of curiosity.

Feng Xin scratched his head. “Since you're so biased against Mu Qing, I assumed you'd think he wasn't worth saving and wouldn't want His Highness rescuing him. I thought you'd prevent him from going.”

Only then did Hua Cheng spare him a glance. “Half-wrong, half-right.”

“Huh?”

“The first part isn't wrong - I certainly don't think he's worth saving,” Hua Cheng said. “I don't care if he lives or dies.”

“Isn't that a little too blunt?!” Seeing that apathetic expression made Feng Xin start to sweat; when he realized that this man definitely held the same attitude toward him, he sweat even harder!

Hua Cheng snorted, then after a pause, he added, “But only His Highness can decide what he wants to do. I will never oppose his decisions.”

“...” Feng Xin had never heard anyone say something like that before - not a man to a woman, and most definitely not one man to another. But he was quite sure that Xie Lian would only get all worked up and flustered again if he'd been here to hear it. “Ah… I see,” Feng Xin said, not knowing what face to make.

Vol 8, page 44-45

And just to make this clear - this is not me hating on Feng Xin. We also could probably all have lengthy but ultimately futile discussions on what loyalty personally means to each and every one of us, which is why when it comes to discourse like this I think we have to focus on what the text says. And I think through this examination it's become quite clear where the limits of Feng Xin's loyalty lay in relation to how it was tied less to Xie Lian the person and more to who he thought Xie Lian should be, and how even beyond Feng Xin's ultimate lack of loyalty Hua Cheng has many legitimate reasons to hate him in regards to how both he himself and Xie Lian were treated by Feng Xin.

Hope this answered your question!

homura should have a gun

Buddy I've got some GREAT news for you

She's smiling, but all he vows to remember is the pain 🥲

She was smiling when she died. She believed in the future. She knew we'd meet again.

But think Caius, think! Was it really a curse? Was it forced on her by Etro? Do you really think Yuel wanted to die and not come back? Of course not. Yeul wanted to come back. Every time she died in your arms, she wanted to come back. She knew her next life would be short. She knew! Because she wanted to see you! Again and again, without end!

I shall remember your pain. It will be carved in my heart. Together with the memories of every other Yeul, cursed to die this way.

FINAL FANTASY XIII-2 (2011)

I just think Shang Qinghua should get so angry one time that he unconsciously overrides the System and unlocks Admin privileges and just deletes entire clans out of existance in the blink of an eye while going "writing you in was a mistake".

And I also think everyone who saw that refuses to ever talk about it, but they're all scared shitless of the tiny human by Mobei-jun's side now because they realize he's not just really smart and an amazing strategist, he's also a god and can kill them all in 0.5 seconds. And now they all think that Shang Qinghua is actually the one running the show and Mobei-jun is just, like, the face of the Northern kingdom only.

Shang Qinghua is utterly horrified when he snaps out of it and realizes what he's done (somehow??? He doesn't know wtf just happened) and how now everyone is terrified of him except for Mobei-jun who is just looking at him with heart in his eyes lmao

AAAAHHHH they're so cute 🥰

Done at last~ _(:3

I've tried my best ahahahaha xD

Enjoy the food~

He wasn’t scared of falling. He had fallen many times over the years. But hitting the ground still hurt.

How wonderful it would be if there was someone there to catch him.

Adhd-autism dream couple

Fan coloring of beautiful original art by Marina Primalova

This realization does happen early enough between the second and third book and thus gives us time to watch Damen react to his own changing perspective as well.

You can watch when Damen witnesses the scheming that Laurent's had to put up with, being framed for attacking a village, prompting retaliation, and even his efforts to find the real culprits being turned against him too. Damen is still a prince; he's not naive enough to not recognize that Laurent is facing opposition from almost every direction and has been forced to become a stone-cold bitch because everyone he's ever been kind to or relied upon has been threatened, killed, or systematically turned against him.

Damen sees the horrors of the border, where the people in Delpha are still Veretian at heart, no matter what someone drawing borders on a map says. He is heartbroken to see his own people happy to slaughter innocents just because of the feud between the kingdoms. Damen doesn't just become forced to rethink Laurent, he's forced to rethink Vere as a whole as well as his own ignorance of the things Laurent has been embroiled within for years now.

Damen is smart enough to comprehend what it all means, and he's strong enough to go through the existential crisis of admitting to himself that maybe he, and the way his father raised him, were WRONG. Damen is strong enough to let go of his pride and LEARN, and that's what makes him a worthy prince - as well as someone who is capable of falling in love with Laurent and having Laurent fall in love with him, despite Laurent's best efforts to hate him.

~Rant incoming as always~

And because I'm a Laurent lover myself:

When they are forced to get along in Prince's Gambit, you can see all the moments Laurent is shocked how hard Damen fights for him, how he doesn't escape or betray Laurent the moment he has the chance, and how Laurent really is weak to not just loyalty but competence. Damen absolutely can defeat him through sheer strength, even though Laurent has spent the last six years trying to prepare himself to kill Damen, and he doubts his own ability to outmaneuver Damen in a fight because he's blinded by his own inferiority complex that the Regent has instilled into him by force and that Laurent has to systematically unlearn.

Now, Laurent has to come to terms with the fact that if Damen's loyalties turn against him as well, Laurent's heart might not be able to take it either. Laurent is literally vulnerable to Damen in every way imaginable, and he's pissed. He covers it through sarcasm and banter, like when Damen admits he could grab Laurent and turn him over to Makedon's passing troops, but then is honestly relieved when Damen DOESN'T BETRAY HIM, AGAIN. Damen actually kills one of his own people by throwing a sword in a completely irrational maneuver, and you know Laurent is going through shit when you consider that he must think Damen only supports him because Laurent is just better than the Regent, the lesser of two evils, the spare prince that's only worthy because Auguste is dead...but maybe Damen also is just that good of a person.

Remember that Laurent isn't fooled by Damen's "undercover" identity for a second, so he's seething at the idea that Damen is the only one he can be honest with, if only because it's in Damen's best interests to not betray Laurent. He's coping with the idea that he and Damen would have absolutely gotten along if there wasn't this massive gap of them being from opposing kingdoms but also the matter of Auguste.

Once Damen's identity gets exposed and Laurent is like "Yes, I know, asshole, you're not exactly subtle", Laurent becomes a defensive bitch again for the first half of Kings Rising because the two of them really do have to confront that Damen killed Auguste and incidentally ruined Laurent's life. It wasn't personal, Damen had no idea any of that would lead to the other things - he had no control over the Regent's actions, and killing Auguste was just killing the enemy in wars they didn't start and didn't have the option to just sit down and talk about.

Damen trying to say, "He died quickly," and Laurent's immediate defensive reply, "Like gutting a pig?" OOOOOFF FUCK LAURENT THAT WAS MY HEART

Damen and Laurent beating the shit out of each other as Laurent tries to kill him, but he has to yield and admit he would have died if Damen wanted him dead, but Laurent saying he'd rather have just died never getting to know Damen as a person because Auguste was everything to him and dying would be easier than seeing how he and Damen could have gotten along only to be denied it. Then Damen ending the confrontation with, "I wish..." AND HE CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE HE KNOWS WISHING WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING

Damen KNOWS he ruined Laurent's life by killing Auguste but he also knows it wasn't personal to him, but it became MASSIVELY personal to Laurent. He regrets it, he knows he regrets it, but regretting won't bring Auguste or Laurent's childhood back.

The cherry on top comes as Laurent fights Kastor and Damen realizes that Laurent absolutely IS AND WAS skilled enough to beat Damen in a fight, he was just being held back by his own emotions (and maybe a knife wound to the shoulder) making him desperate and sloppy. Laurent killing Kastor essentially makes them even as they each took a brother from one another; on the one hand their fates were *necessary* to make Damen and Laurent who they are today, but on the other hand - at what cost?

Laurent being told by Damen that he's a worthy prince by the one person he thinks he can't overcome, in contrast to the Regent telling him he isn't worthy and trying to force him to admit that he can't overcome his uncle - when in reality Laurent IS able to overcome them both.

Ugh, the extras when we finally get to see Laurent acting like a young man who can let his walls down and grieve, who can mess around with flowers and put himself beneath someone he loves without fear, who can just start throwing olives into a barfight for the miniscule layer of chaos. I love him. Damen loves him.

Anyway so I have a fanfic that's half complete where I ramble like this throughout:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52964602/chapters/133982485

Thinking about how Damen does not even begin to comprehend the absolute life-altering trauma he caused Laurent by killing Auguste until like halfway through Prince's Gambit. Thinking about how their mutual dehumanization of each other led Damen to see Laurent as incapable of love or affection for anyone, he never even considers that Laurent loved his brother and was shattered by his death, never shows a shred of sympathy, his first assumption was that Laurent resented Auguste for being the golden child/crowned prince, and it's only when Paschal looks at him like he's crazy and says "no, he loved him." that he begins to realize the Laurent he's been experiencing is one that in many ways *he helped create* and that the purest form of Laurent was a sweet, shy little boy who loved his brother without a cruel bone in his body, he never wanted power or glory or anything, all he wanted was his big brother, and Damen killed that version of Laurent when he killed Auguste.

I think that is in part how Damen begins to come to forgive Laurent, or at the very least to begin to sympathize with him, realizing that in a fucked up kind of way, everything Laurent does to him, while still totally being first and foremost Laurent's responsibility and moral failures to atone for, is partially a consequence of his own actions, that he helped turn Laurent into the tangled ball of pulsating yearning in the shape of a man that he is.

I think realizing how wrong he'd been about the kind of man Laurent was, was what began his journey to coming to terms with the kind of man he, Damen, was at the beginning of the story. When he first meets Laurent he thinks he has him pinned and describes him as arrogant, self-absorbed, self-serving, spoilt, and "raised to overestimate his own worth", which in hindsight is definitely meant to be projection because those are all ways that Damen himself could be described at the beginning of the story, something he basically admits to at the end of Kings Rising when he reflects on the version of himself that existed before he was imprisoned.

So pretty, must reblog to save

Takes lots of time cuz things happen but alas Im done~

I love @poppingsoop.bsky.social Taihua n SHTB design 🥺💕💕💕 and got inspired. Also lol I'm bad at designing, nyeh dun care, just wanna have fun~ xD

*Calls out, “Hey, king. Are you single?” to the vaguely humanoid creature lurking at the base of the stairs*

the untamed if it was written by rick riordan

ep 1. I Accidentally Get Resurrected

ep 2. My Teenage Nephew Bullies Me

ep 3. The Teacher’s Pet Duels Me to the Death

ep 4. Lan Xichen Shoots His Shot

ep 5. Jiang Cheng Needs a Wingman

ep 6. We Speak With Lan Zhan’s Frozen Grandma

ep 7. Lan Zhan Smiles

ep 8. We Embark On an Epic Field Trip (Also Nie Huaisang is Here)

ep 9. I Throw Hands With a Bird

ep 10. We Meet Our Celebrity Crushes

ep 11. We Pull Up to Evil Summer Camp

ep 12. The Low-Budget Dog Animatronic Tries to Eat Me

ep 13. We Battle the Tortoise of Doom

ep 14. I Threaten to Strip

ep 15. My Stepmom Ships Us Off

ep 16. Pretty Much Everyone I Love is Dead Now

ep 17. I Find a Cure

ep 18. I Plummet To My Death

ep 19. I Come Back Wrong

ep 20. Lan Zhan Breaks Up With Me

ep 21. I Evade Non-Consensual Therapy Sessions

ep 22. My Evil Flute Solo Kills Everybody

ep 23. I Ditch the Dinner Party

ep 24. My Ex’s Brother Tries to Stage an Intervention

ep 25. Jin Zixuan Fumbles My Sister

ep 26. I Reanimate My Homie

ep 27. My Brother Questions My Interior Design

ep 28. Lan Zhan Discovers the Joys of Fatherhood

ep 29. I Get Major FOMO

ep 30. I Fulfill My Cottagecore Fantasies

ep 31. Everything Goes Downhill

ep 32. My Nephew Becomes an Orphan

ep 33. I Plummet to My Death (For Real This Time)

ep. 34 Jin Ling Gets Eaten By a Wall

ep 35. We Become Tomb Raiders

ep 36. Lan Zhan Steals a Chicken

ep 37. I Force Feed Radioactive Porridge to Teenagers

ep 38. Xiao Xingchen Breaks the Bro Code

ep 39. I Go On a Shopping Date

ep 40. I Crash a Conference for Free Food

ep 41. Nie Mingjue is an Unreliable Narrator

ep 42. Everyone Wants to Kill Me (Again)

ep 43. Lan Xichen Trauma Dumps

ep 44. We Visit the Ruins of My Cottagecore Fantasies

ep 45. I Do Group Conflict Resolution In My Underwear

ep 46. The Truth Comes Out

ep 47. I Become a Hostage

ep 48. Jin Guangyao Talks Too Much

ep 49. I Reunite With My Evil Flute

ep 50. My Boyfriend Abandons Me On a Mountain (Not Really)

year of the snake

Wei Wuxian knows what he's doing 😆

Artwork so pretty thoooo

I finally finished a part of my MXTX band AU/crossover. 🙏

I really love imagining how these three would get along—probably total chaos with Wei Ying's influence.

Luo Binghe makes fun of Hua Cheng, but he's just as much of a simp. 🫵

Oh how wonderful, how terrifying, to be loved to destruction

The full quote can be found here

Sooo this is how it went?

Guys, why we debating whether or not LQ has or doesn't have a beak when the answer is obvious?

The Long Quiet is as versatile as Shifty. He's like schrondinger's beak. He both has one and doesn't have one until the need arises for an answer. He has one when he wants one, he has none when he doesn't want one.

Based on the Dragon and the Princess ending, I like to believe every single face of the LQ chooses whether they have a beak or not. And thus I present my hypothesis on the beak statuses of our best boys:

Hero has a beak but doesn't know it or consciously acknowledge it, too distracted by the narrative, that's just his nose wdym, he's doing his best your honor

Opportuntist is pro beak, though perhaps he conceals it until he gets the upper hand

Smitten is no beak because kisses, will only manifest a beak by accident when he's being sinister but would never admit it

Cold is no beak since bro doesn't feel enough for a beak to manifest

Broken is no beak, he's too wimpy for a beak - or alternatively, has a beak if his goddess wants it, anything to please her really

Stubborn seems like a beak guy to me. He'd use it to peck the Adversary's eyes or smth, just so long as it's another weapon to bash against his enemy

Hunted probably no beak, since he ain't no animal, but teeth? Yes, necessary part of survival you see

Paranoid probably no beak, too scared of it getting in the way during a crucial moment and potentially blocking that very necessary 3% of his vision and distracting him for a milisecond too long

Skeptic is the opposite, pro beak because he knows it's there and he wants to keep it in sight at all times because if it disappears that shit's sus

Contrarian IS the schrondinger, he is both pro and no beak at all times. He's half beak. He's demi beak. He is MADE of beak. He doesn't even know what a beak is. He threw the beak out the window

Cheated doesn't care about the damn beak, it's all a crock of shit anyway - just wait, he'll have a beak and then suddenly it's an inconvenience, but the moment he DOESN'T have a beak he'll find a reason to need it, just you wait and see, it'll happen--!

What I'm saying is, all your fanart is valid and all you'all's opinions are correct, have a nice day

"But forever is not forever.

"I move and you react and both of us break the other. But broken is only a moment in time."

"You let me move and I slam the door, but that is not the end, and both of us must face our partner once again. The barbs twist deeper, but they do not have to."

"To change is to hold the potential to rise above. Would you limit yourself to what you are now, or would you like to see what you might become tomorrow?"

One of the ending monologues that stuck with me the most, the way the Witch and the Opportuntist are dancing around one another but stuck in place because they're more focused on being wary of the other instead of bettering themselves.

You actively have to go along with the dance in order to bring the Witch to Shifty, to play along and pretend, wary of each other but still going along with things until you can go out of your way to betray to one another. You have to trust in order to be betrayed, even if that trust is pretend. Attacking the Witch openly and directly, no lying or dragging it out, or even trying to abandon her and avoid the dance, smashes you into the Wild. Proving your sincerity even at the cost of your life brings you to the Thorn.

The Witch (like most Chapter II routes of course) is what happens when you don't learn from your mistakes and change the strategy. The Princess and the LQ decided that the endless revolving was what they wanted, nothing better, nothing worse.

And the way it all feeds back into the final confrontation where the Shifting Mound shows the Long Quiet the futility of revolving, because there are no victors if you choose to keep dancing in circles - the two of them absolutely CAN just keep spinning, but they'll always end up equally hurting one another and rejecting the paths of being straightforward or giving up. It's actively torturing themselves and choosing the self-destructive option to keep doing the dance, but I mean it's an option! All opinions are valid. It's just *chef's kiss*

What's ironic is that in all the ways you bring the Witch to Shifty, the two of you still have to face each other after the betrayal. Either you both broke your backs together on the stairs and have to stare each other down hoping the other is suffering just as much as you, or the LQ erases the cabin and the door she slammed in your face disappears too so oops this is awkward, no hard feelings right? :3 They always do face the consequences of being a prick even if they got the betrayal they wanted, "not sorry you did the bad thing, just sorry you got caught" style.

Witch and Opportuntist are such a funny duo, they're both such gremlins, they know what they're doing is selfish and sneaky and potentially the downfall of them both, and they're happy about it, they're vibing

"A trick behind your back, and a trick behind mine. We dance, revolving and revolving around each other, but forever stuck in place. We both move and yet we both don't, for each of us watches the other instead of ourselves."

---

Anyone order the Witch? I've got quite a few old drawings of her, she is such a silly :]

All I ask in return is to please ignore how I used to draw the Long Quiet (pictures 2 & 4), I could not figure out how I wanted to draw him, and I also was (still am) bad at drawing birds/beaks 😭That's why I eventually gave up and joined the no-beak-TLQ crowd lol

[Throwback | Scheduled post | Drawings finished : January 25th - 26th, 2024]

[Find my Slay the Princess art here] [Princess art] [TLQ art] [Voices art]

【千秋广播剧】 THOUSAND AUTUMNS AUDIO DRAMA

晏无师挑眉：“沈道长一人独往？” 

Yan Wushi raised a brow, “Shen Daozhang is traveling alone?”

沈峤：“不知晏宗主可愿与贫道同行？”

Shen Qiao, “Would Sect Master Yan like to accompany me?”

晏无师：“本座考虑考虑。”

Yan Wushi, “I will think about it.”

YES! BEHOLD! THE PERFECT WOMAN!

Slay the Princess also be like

Yan Wushi in book 3:

If I had a nickle for every time Lan Wangji actively cut off a cultivator's arm/hand, I'd have two nickles. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Happy Halloween and Happy Birthday to our boy! 🥳

I have no one to impress because I'm a social hermit but I've spent too much time on MDZS to NOT be Wei Wuxian this year so

Well a whole 2 people asked for it and who am I to deny the masses?

I....it'll be a happy ending eventually. Maybe

It's hit 1200 pages guys I am not okay

Very underrated dramatic moment you see, but I'm just distracted by the fact that Jin Guangyao has lost his right hand at this point so I'ma assume the novel image is mirrored for dramatic effect.

There that's better.

I need more "Lan Xichen gets a happy ending" fics is what I'm saying. Should I post a 900 page fanfic that I've invested too much of my time into?

Baby like 🫨

Quanyinweek2024 - day 1: kids -

Xie Lian steals Ming Yue from Quanyin lol

Anyone else start as a fanfic writer then started writing your own original ideas, and the best way to do it is to write your drafts like fanfiction of your own work? Like that's the only way I get stuff done.

I write a story with the characters I like, write an arc with facts about the world and characters as it becomes relevant, no real point to the scenes except me having fun with a scene I happen to be enjoying. I take a character I wanna have fun with, say "Go do that important thing so we have a plot while you show off how cool you are", then add random ideas that sound generic but fun to act as story beats. They went to a town, they got beat up by monsters, they discovered a super power, they make friends.

I take breaks between writing the story to obsess over other stuff, then come back when I have an epiphany in the shower a month later and quickly resolve the current arc in order to jump them into the next one. Like, there's still continuity, they mention "Hey we just went through something, wanna talk about your feelings?" "Not really man, wanna go on a quest for that Macguffin and uncover our deep-seated issues that way?" "Sure!" But the story follows a barely-connected story beat with side characters and new world building for the new adventure. And then this happens over and over.

Then I come back, one day.

I'm 600 pages into this Sysphian writing style of starting arcs that have barely any organization yet undeniable continuity and I think to myself, "Man, what if I just start the whole thing over now that I know where the story KINDA goes." So I start writing my second draft...like it's a fanfic of my original draft. I can do whatever the hell I want with these quirky facts about the characters, maybe translate one hobby into a backstory, take this tragic fact about the backstory and make it into an actual trait that defines how they react to situations, take these two characters that would TOTALLY get along and make them friends, I can take a character who should be getting introduced way later and just introduce them now!

And then it's...it's good? It's something I would genuinely read without cringing at??

It's got foreshadowing and interpersonal conflict and secret passions and even more secret traumas and it's humorous and the introduction of characters or quests actually seem to...make sense??? Like oh shit there's actually a REASON we want this thing, it's not a Macguffin anymore! Oh crap these two characters who were later revealed to be related can have a really interesting dynamic if I introduce them like they know from the beginning they're related instead of dropping it like the most casual thing ever in an arc 300 pages later??? These two characters are prominent figures so they would likely get along but have SO much sass between their one braincell. Ya know, this guy would be a really great guy for them to talk to in order to solve that weakness they have, but they wouldn't fix it because they don't get along. OH MY GOD I COULD SHIP THESE TWO AND IT WOULD BE PERFECT -

And what I get is a story where a lot of things have changed, mainly plot-wise, but the bare bones of the former story is still there. I think "Would this character know anything about this topic?" and then think "Well I made them an inventor with a backstory like this, so maybe they wouldn't know it directly, but they'd know a famous story about it" or "Yeah, that knowledge works with their backstory. Actually, if I take that thing I can expand it into this whole other thing. Wait, that means they would definitely know this other character. Oh, they would NOT get along with this character, how can I get THEM in the same room?"

Bonus, because my draft is so long, I feel the natural urge to be like "I wanna write the most exciting scene RIGHT NOW, how do I skip over all the fluff to get to the stuff I wanna WORK with" and so I've written a way more interesting hook that feels more natural jumping into the middle of their lives. I don't have to have the long-winded backstory from birth to the present, but now I can have them reference their backstory as more of a mystery to the characters they just meet - who are learning at the same time as the audience. I can think about how this character perceives that backstory and chooses to describe it, how another who was related might see it differently, and make it unclear who had the more accurate recounting since, ya know, I didn't actually write it beat for beat in this version!

The characters sometimes evolve into something completely different from my original telling - and I have NO IDEA how but I'll take it man! I had a shy and nice character get introduced as a more mysterious but knowledgeable and competent character because I had finally figured his personality out later on. He's still a tragic and kind person, but now he's being introduced to someone who doesn't know him and I get to see how yo he would be so much cooler if THIS was the side of him we saw FIRST. This is how he acts to strangers, rather than bearing his heart and true personality on the first go around because in the first draft I just wanted to get to the part where we're already going with his true version.

This is just how I write fanfiction. This character had this thing about them, but what if it was introduced like THIS?!

Basically I'm an AU OC writer at heart. Ask me to pull a story outta my ass and you'll get the equivalent of burnt toast, but ask me to write a fanfic of my own characters and I am a Master Chef in my natural habitat making a buffet. Why does my brain work like this? Am I the only one that does this?

Not to mention Jin Ling then trying to turn all of his hatred onto Wen Ning afterwards. He's a kid who's been reminded of his parents' deaths with every breath he takes, only having stories about them and being fed Jiang Cheng's unhinged hatred for all the love that was lost. If Wei Wuxian turned out to not be the monster he thought he was, then he...he has to hate someone else!

But then Wen Ning turns out to be even MORE gentle than Wei Wuxian, filled with guilt for what happened, flinging himself in front of Lan Sizhui and saying "I won't fight back, get your anger out on me if it'll put you at ease!"

That scene had me crying too yo. Everyone rallies behind Lan Sizhui and calls Jin Ling out for being too aggressive - no one takes his side, no one understands how much he's been affected by his life. Jiang Cheng's solution is to tell him to get angry, but now that's just turned all of his peers against him and calling him violent and unreasonable. So he just breaks down sobbing saying "Yes, I'm a horrible person!" even though NONE of what happened is his fault and he has a right to be angry and trying to find an outlet for his emotion. He just doesn't know HOW. No one ever taught him, everyone ridicules him for crying and distances themselves from his anger. People treat him delicately yet say he needs to toughen up.

I think the worst part is that Wei Wuxian's first scathing (accidental) comment, "Your mother never taught you any manners" is kinda really true. He never had a mother to teach him to express himself, to support him and be vulnerable with him. We joke about how many uncles Jin Ling has but I mean how many AUNTS does he have? How many mother figures does he have? Qin Su is basically traumatized by the death of Jin Rusong so is maybe not the motherly type. Nie Huisang, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng - unmarried, unmarried, unmarried.

Wei Wuxian is really the first one to A: tell Jin Ling to get over himself and doesn't treat him like some untouchable young master who no one has the right to lord over, B: openly admits when he's sorry and apologizes and teaches Jin Ling the concept of emotional vulnerability, C: stands by Jin Ling's side to teach him to be himself rather than scolding or threatening or guilting him to fit in better. The fact that Wei Wuxian is NOT a woman may even be better because Jin Ling is seeing that men don't have to fit into the unyielding mold of tough guys but can still have fun without being a pushover.

Jin Ling is such a tragedy because there really is no one left to blame. It's not that easy. Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning are responsible, but they're not maniacal villains laughing at the top of a mountain without a care in the world for the consequences. They cared, they had family who were lost, they suffered before and don't want anyone to suffer again - they hate themselves just as much for their part in what happened.

Even Jin Guangyao is such a complicated case for Jin Ling. It's the uncle who was always nice to him, who gave him his spirit dog, who was always putting on a smile. In comparison to Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangyao was a lifeline. And then Jin Guangyao turns out to be a villain who doesn't bat an eye at killing and threatening...but who also didn't WANT these bad things to be "necessary." He too was wronged by the world and lashed out at its unfairness.

This fifteen year old kid has gone through so much, simultaneously pampered into a spoiled brat and utterly isolated from his peers, filled with vengeance for his entire life but also trying to love and be loved. He learned from Jiang Cheng to pretend to be above it all, and he learned from Jin Guangyao to be kind and forgive, but all of it was lies and unhealthy coping. Jiang Cheng essentially taught him to argue with anyone who disagrees with him or looks down on him to assert his dominance, and Jin Guangyao taught him to suppress his desire to speak his mind and never start fights because of etiquette and self-preservation - to the point that he rejects who he is and wants to be.

At this age, Jin Ling's already having to learn the lesson that everyone's going to be throwing opinions around, no one is perfect, you can't easily sort people into categories. In the end, he can take advice from others, but it's up to him to make the choice of who he wants to be. And he's learned that unrelenting resentment makes for an easy path to walk in life, but it's not actually how life works. The cultivation world can turn on someone they worshipped unconditionally. That included Wei Wuxian, that included Jin Guangyao, and even to an extent Jin Ling himself.

He has to take over the Jin Clan after all these scandals and atrocities, but he's become the kind of kid who will answer an insignificant man's plea for help, who is making friends who won't judge him and will stand by him even when he makes mistakes, and by the end of the story he's matured, yet also finally learned to be a kid. Nothing's perfect, none of the tragedies of the past can be reversed (and Jiang Cheng's still gonna get into fights whenever he accidentally runs into Wen Ning), but at least now Jin Ling can choose how he decides to live, who he hates and who he forgives.

while reading the books, i remember wei wuxian’s relationship with jin ling hitting me especially hard. i was crying when the whole stabbing thing happened. but i truly adore what becomes of them and do you know why? because jin ling does something the others could never, something miraculous really––he actually unlearns the prejudice he’s been taught to hold against wei wuxian. he meets wwx, full of disdain, slowly learning about who wwx really is and it has nothing to do with wwx’s outward appearance. and when the truth is revealed, the internal warring for jin ling is plainly portrayed and even if he does give in to a hate intermingled with grief that he has internalised towards this one entity (wei wuxian was never a person in his mind, just the ‘killer’ of his parents, a phantom, before the events of the book happened), you can tell his heart has already turned, that it will keep turning and that’s what happens. you have jin ling, an orphaned child, who hated someone whom his mother loved dearly, because that man caused his parents’ death but it is such a commendable thing that wei wuxian was able to create a space in jin ling’s heart and jin ling was able to accept it. it’s the way both jin ling & jiang cheng blame the death of their parents on wwx but only the former was able to see wei wuxian clearly and actually forge a bond of love with him.

it’s the fact that if ANYONE in this story can actually rightfully hold a grudge against wei wuxian, it’s jin ling, but instead this teenager decides that wei wuxian is much too good and that having him as an uncle is lovely, after all.

Ahhhh it's so pretty tho

mdzs jp audio drama x MEDICOS + MDZS characters (幻鏡🪞 ver)

I'd argue that Jiang Cheng doesn't care much for his reputation after all these years, or at the very least he hasn't been afraid to have a hardass, why-are-you-LIKE-this-you-asshole reputation if it puts on a front of being uncaring, spiteful, and someone not to be messed with. Jiang Cheng has always put on confrontational facades, but he cares about his family at heart. He pretended to abandon Wei Wuxian during his defection to the Wens, but still considered Wei Wuxian part of his family in secret until things went south in a confrontation reveled to be complete happenstance. He loves and hates Wei Wuxian for different reasons but with equal ferocity and has a genuine right to both - he has the right to hate Wei Wuxian, but he also has the right to love him without needing to owe him or having peer pressure force him into it.

Jin Guangyao got under his skin by making the rightful assumption that Jiang Cheng was willing to abandon Wei Wuxian when things got hard and his reputation was at risk, because Jiang Cheng IS the person who will put up a front of abandoning, swearing revenge, hating people. But he was also the one INSISTING that Wei Wuxian HAD to be back at some point, a twisted mass of his desire to hate Wei Wuxian mixing with his real desire to have him back. He wants his brother back, he wants his family back, but Wei Wuxian is the only one he KNOWS can return, however tragic that is. He's the first to accuse Jin Guangyao of intentionally setting up Wei Wuxian during the ambush and getting Jin Ling's parents killed as a result - if he has someone else to blame other than Wei Wuxian, he's now ferociously defending his brother. Even Wei Wuxian admits that it really was just an accident; sure, Jin Guangyao pulled some strings, but he would have gotten into trouble eventually. But now Jiang Cheng NEEDS someone else to be at fault, because he doesn't want to hate Wei Wuxian anymore. He CAN'T hate Wei Wuxian, for all he wants to.

Not just because of the golden core revelation, but because he's finally maturing as a person and understanding why Wei Wuxian did what he did. He hates it, but now he understands Wei Wuxian a little better.

The book even compares his refusal to confess why he lost his golden core to why Wei Wuxian never told him about the transfer. In just a tiny little way, Jiang Cheng has become more like Wei Wuxian. In the end, he makes a very similar choice and will likely never admit what happened. This time, there's no third party who can force a confession of this tiny little incident. Wei Wuxian can live freely without the weight of that guilt still haunting their relationship, and for once Jiang Cheng's willing to sacrifice any self-satisfaction of saying "well ha actually I deserve this golden core after all I've done for you" to put the tragedy of the past in the past.

Imagine the teenage Jiang Cheng, or the one who was just rebuilding the Jiang Clan after the Sunshot Campaign. Would he have been able to let something like that go? If he and Wei Wuxian got into an argument about what was right and wrong, who owed who, would he have really been able to let it go? He'd already stomached Wei Wuxian’s legitimate, heartbreaking betrayal of his vow to stand with the Jiang Clan and Jiang Cheng no matter what. He was unwilling to see how his own pride had corrupted their relationship and was willing to sacrifice innocent Wens at first. It was Wei Wuxian who convinced him that doing the right thing was better than any reputation, and Jiang Cheng was the fool for abandoning HIM. While his pride couldn't stand it, he at least TRIED to make it work, for a period. Because his love for Wei Wuxian marginally outweighed his hatred.

He's spent all this time hating Wei Wuxian and clinging to the past betrayal and subsequent misfortunes rather than moving forward and trying to make the best of his life - more importantly, to teach Jin Ling to be better. In his own, prideful and stubborn way, letting go of the incident was his first step into changing and trying to forget the past and actually move on. Wei Wuxian doesn't want any trouble, and now neither does Jiang Cheng.

To be clear, this isn't to say Jiang Cheng has magically fixed as a person. He's still a stubborn hardass brandishing his whip whenever he gets pissed off, and Wei Wuxian will likely still never consider Lotus Pier his home - even if he now manages to visit with only a mild complaint from Jiang Cheng every five steps he takes. But it's progress. It's him saying "fine, we can stop bringing up past grudges and get along - only when we have to! You walk your damn path, I'll walk mine."

And maybe, one day, now that they aren't worried about pleasing or betraying the other, they can make steps to becoming friends again, and even becoming family.

For Jin Ling's sake, of course, why would he LIKE Wei Wuxian or anything, he's just that annoying guy clinging to Hanguang-jun I think.

Y'all wanna know also why JC can't tell WWX about distracting the Wens back then?

Because it means jackshit when later he leads a siege on him in an attempt to kill him and WWX ultimately dies as result (yknow we cant say 'kill' because see he just helped JGS....just brought the most resources...just helped them plan but since he failed in landing the final strike it cant be called 'killed')

Like if at that point in guanyin temple, if he were to even begin saying 'I saved you back then' whats that gonna do? because nice? Good job? He also participated in killing him afterwards?

Whatever weight that sacrifice had, was nullified by his every action afterwards.

There's a reason that him keeping quiet about is considered an indication of his character growth, because he had the clarity.

BINGE READ FASTER GODSPEED

People excited about the new content involving TGCF and MDZS:

Me who hasn't finished either book series and needs to avoid spoilers: