Deathtoyouandtoyours - Get Off My Blog

One of the newer daycare teachers at my center was complaining about a specific child - who has a lot going on we’re still trying to map out, but definitely some type on developmentally divergent on top of attachment issues with their single mom.

Anyway, said kid, a little under 4 years old, was resisting doing art, which was really upsetting the one one teacher when the other (who’s worked with this kid for over 2 years) was basically like “Ok, not today, this isn’t a good day for you.”

One thing I do when I find kids at the center resisting my instructions is asking “Why” - on me.

Why am I asking this child to do something?

“What they are doing isn’t safe” and “What they are doing is harming another child” are obviously good reasons for me to pursue my point.

“Maintain structure” is, honestly, generally a good reason, where “structure” is the regular rules and expectations of the class and schedule.

Having a predictable structure helps most children feel safe, because they don’t have to be the adult and decide what is going to happen - their teachers are the ones that set boundaries for safety, have their physical needs met, and create expectations that allow them to develop patience and delayed gratification.

But forcing a child to participate in an activity? Not just “now it is art, because we do art every day” but “you must do art??”

Asking my “Why, what is the child getting out of this” devolves down after a few levels to:

The child has to learn to comply over their own mental health.

Even the more experienced teacher who let the one kid sit out and rest from art is irritated when children refuse to sit quietly during Circle Time, which pisses me off because all the trainings I’ve taken on Circle Time say “have a quiet activity optional for children who don’t want to sit and participate.”

Sadly, as I was discussing this with my other Autistic coworker at closing, we agreed that “Conformity despite mental health” is a primary rule in modern education, and both of us despite being aware of the obvious issues with this are powerless to even motivate major change within our own center without taking “Room Lead” roles.

Which we both agree would break either of us. 😓

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Fatigue and Hopelessness is NOT AN OPTION

from Rahma Zein, 14/Jan/2024:

Do not be divided. Speak up for Palestine.

More Leyendecker & the boys

Also with their normal hairdos:

"if you want attention you must ask for it" ID RATHER DIE!!!

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"You'll grow out of being sensitive."

"You need to grow up and stop crying all the time."

"You can't let everything hurt you like this."

Will I really grow out of this though? It doesn't make sense. My mouth starts moving before i think, and someone says that they weren't talking to me, that I should be quiet...

And suddenly I'm six years old again, being yelled at constantly and occasionally beaten for talking too much or talking out of turn.

Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. We're all adults and they even said it somewhat gently... So why do the tears roll?

Even if I didn’t have a solid plan, in the back of my head, I always assumed I’d kill myself.

Now I’m an adult and people my age have their lives in order and I’m stuck here, confused, because I never planned to be alive and I’m so far behind.

I feel like I’ll never catch up.

What if it was years ago, and they didn't exactly try to change, but things aren't as bad as they used to be.

I still feel the pain, but she's has been too terrible recently so I would feel bad if I finally left after all this time. After being a jobless shut in due to depression and possibly autism....

You don't have to feel bad for not wanting to be around the people who hurt you.

No, "but they're your family."

No, "but you used to be friends."

No, "but you have to put up with it because they're your partner."

No.

If someone hurts you repeatedly and there is no indication of them trying to do better, you are allowed to dislike contact with them.

So many people feel guilt over not wanting to be around people that intentionally hurt them.

It's not wrong of you to want distance.

It's not wrong of you to want to be treated well.