Latest Posts by ceriseloves - Page 2

This year I spent almost half of my paycheck to throw myself a birthday party and my mom asked me why I was putting so much effort on my own birthday and I felt like crying because I just know that if I didn't do something for my birthday there wouldn't be anything, it would be just like any other day.

In 19 years of my life, I only had 3 birthday parties and in 2 I bought or baked my own cake.

I guess my roman empire is my longest friendship.

Every day I think about us, every time I look at something funny I want to show it to my best friend. We met when we were 10 and she was my first friend ever, we grew up together at the same school till I were 15 and left to do high school in another state.

In those years we were together we've been in several friend groups that with time got separated, but we always stayed together. The problem was that even though we had each other, we would always be looking for a new friend because it seemed we weren't enough for each other, or better, I felt like I wasn't enough for her.

She has always been my best friend but I'm afraid I never have been her best friend, I was just there, I was her friend like every other person was.

After leaving for high school I came back to do college in the same city as her and we're different. Something feels off, she has another friend and I have other friends as well. Maybe I'm selfish but even though I have new friends she will always be my number one but for her I'm just like everyone. I'm not special and I know that she's not obligated to have me as her favorite person just because she's mine, but I guess I want to be loved the same way I love her.

She never starts a conversation, now we have a trio and she only does stuff if there's all of us. We (me and her) alone don't exist anymore.

I hate feeling like this.

Every time I think about myself I end up crying to sleep