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song of the day: where are you- 54 ultra

mostly ran errands today which took much longer than anticipated. i had to push the majority of my tasks to tomorrow. despite that my mood was great which is a win in my books. i bought a new planner for 2025 and it has already proven to be useful.

research: assigned tasks to my team. (we are a little behind schedule for our publication). sent out a few emails to the journal.

selfcare: on the last bit of a horror game i've been wanting to play for a while. i might finish it tomorrow. also did a bit of drawing but i don't expect to have much time for that as the new semester is starting.

tomorrow: buying a new notebook. after that i can get started with preparing for the new semester. key goals: make topic list, mind map, set up notes. i'm quite excited to decorate the pages with all the new stickers i got. i also plan to finish my blog article (which is due in a week).

Even when you're tired, remember why you started.

my breath in clouds

the snow crunching beneath my feet

the sting of cold air on my ears

the moon, full amidst the clouds and fog

brick buildings and warm lighting

colourful stained glass and pure white snow

soft music, I see them sitting atop a snow pile

hushed voices, subtle glances

a moment of tranquility in bustling city life

quietly shared with you

introduction.

now that i have begun a blog here, i shall introduce myself. admittedly i am not all that good at tech stuff... i've always stayed away from the more computational side of science, so please excuse me if i make any mistakes.

general:

i fall under the trans umbrella. i was born a woman, but i have yet to figure out who i truly wish to be. i hope i do one day, however right now i prefer he/they pronouns: she/her pronouns make me uncomfortable, yet i understand differing beliefs and have no problem if i am referred to as she/her.

i am studying to become a cardiac surgeon: i want to be skilled in surgery, specifically cardiac surgery, and travel the world to provide medical/surgical care to areas lacking access to such care, such as warzones, less developed countries, and rural areas.

i have never been officially diagnosed with anxiety nor depression, at least not on paper. many doctors and therapists have told me i have strong symptoms and i have gotten pills prescribed. you may expect posts about my mental health, as i have no one in my life to talk about them to.

my favourite animals are cats, snakes, and otters. maybe penguins. i like dark green and dark red. my favourite band is the arctic monkeys- i went to their concert last year and enjoyed it immensely.

school:

i am a pre med student pursuing a bachelor's of science in honours anatomy and cell biology. as of now, i am a first year. i am debating between a minors in medical anthropology, biomedical engineering, or if i will even do a minors at all. we shall see.

research:

my interests lay in biomedical engineering. i enjoy learning about the applications, design, and challenges of nanotechnology, specifically tissue engineering. i also enjoy learning about the designs and ideas behind medical technology, however i don't believe myself to be enough of an engineer to pursue it myself. my current project is collaborative: i co-lead a dry lab team on writing a research paper using results from our wet labs, where they are developing a biomimetic bioadhesive. truly fascinating stuff.

hobbies:

sports: badminton, swimming, figure skating, trying to get into fencing and archery

instruments: voice (soprano, alto, tenor), piano, flute, want to learn cello

art: i enjoy oil paints the most, however i am also proficient in basically all other mediums like watercolour, acrylic, charcoal, pastels... i have been challenging myself to do sculptures lately too. i prefer landscape paintings however i also sketch still life and portraits.

other: i enjoy reading and writing. i mostly read nonfiction nowadays (ex. books about fish evolution. seems boring but it is quite fascinating) however i have always held a fondness for "classics". my creative writing style is very descriptive. in every sentence i write, i wish to covey yearning and beauty. it is a shame that i do not get to practice my writing much anymore. i also enjoy baking and cooking. in the future, i want to learn how to ride a motorcycle and buy myself a batcycle (aka. a kawasaki or yamaha fully black bike. they look sick.).

language:

i speak english and mandarin chinese fluently. i am proficient in french. i wish to learn italian and spanish.

i'm not too sure how many facts to include here before i sound like a narcissist. i shall end it here. (i really want a white ball python they are so adorable).

break today. a little shaken from an experience today out on the streets late at night. won’t go into much detail but I am safe now and will hopefully continue to be. had a fun lab workshop and hung out with a friend!

one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become

not to be dramatic but! my bedroom windows!

250205

20/100 days of productivity

song of the day: ashes and blood-arcane

had my chemistry midterm today. i woke up 15 minutes before the exam and sprinted across campus in 3 minutes. i was running on pure adrenaline all evening and had an epiphany during the exam that made me feel like walter white. catching up on all my assignments and pre labs right now. stuff to do: biology pre lab, physics pre lab, biology essay, chemistry pre lab, watch three biology lectures (i skipped class), catch up on a week of chemistry.

tomorrow: biology lab, finish physics pre lab.

back to my cage