Guys I Think I Might Be Kinda Okay At Drawing Flowes???

Man, I really have to call my doctors again about Post-Exertional Malaise. Months ago we started the process cause I was trying to fight them that I might have CFS. Ruled out diabetes, found out I have severe sleep apnea. Cool. Treating that for the past 4 months. It's only supposed to take ~3weeks to start feeling a difference. Got a kick of energy a few days in and that gave me a new, slightly better baseline which I'm super grateful for, but nothing since then.

I should not be this tired. I spent 3h doing groceries on Tuesday. Then 7 hours at a little 1-day seminar l thing on Thursday. I spent less than 1 hour today throwing together a roast to set it in the oven and forget it while I went back to sleep. I have slept 60 hours in the last 130. I'm still exhausted. Within the next 2 hours, I will be going back to sleep again. Don't even have enough energy to play games on my laptop cause the set up and teardown is too much energy.

I can't tell if I'm gaslighting myself into thinking I'm less sick or more sick. But surely SOMETHING is wrong. It's driving me crazy

Today I hit 1000 candles for the first time in Sky! 3 and a half years, many candle runs with friends, and a lot of lazy days. I thought I'd always be stuck around ~200-300 candles because my laziness catches me constantly. But I did it :D

Today is a damn cool day

So real, esp when it's something like "we need to talk later" No, no. You don't get to do that to me, we talk now, thank you

Having to wait a long time while in short-term waiting is so exhausting. I have trouble not getting angry at people who unintentionally put me in that state.

A loving reminder that if you are so disabled that you cannot work, and especially if you are getting some kind of government assistance because you cannot work, and especially if you feel guilty because other disabled people have to work: You are not lazy. You DO deserve to indulge in things that bring you joy.

You are a government employee and your Full Time Job is to keep yourself at a minimum baseline of Alive and Not Miserable.

Your job is to watch videos that entertain and engage you.

Your job is to play video games so you can keep some kind of joy in your life.

Your job is to rest as much as you physically can to conserve energy.

Your job is to cook for yourself and take joy in it if you find it joyful, even if that's the only thing you can manage in a day.

Your job is to make yourself as comfortable and stress-free as you can, even if that means bed-rotting.

It is what you get paid to do. Because being disabled IS a full time job. And it's hard work.

Be kind to yourself.

A family member of mine had surgery recently and hearing that them and their partner have been feeling a little Not Great trying to keep up with everything, I went into my stash of meats and veggies I've been building up in my freezer for a while to make them a bunch of meals so they could have one less task on their plate :3

I managed to make a total of 20 meals for them, 4 plates of 5 different kinds (Stir fry as well, but not pictured here as they picked that one up yesterday before I was done cooking everything) and a lemon cake for dessert!

Took me 15 hours cause I'm a slow cook, But I'm really really proud :D

I've been learning to like foods that I was scared of or thought were gross as a kid, and it's kind of fun.

For the longest time I thought bell peppers were something that I would only enjoy cooked. Same with tomatoes, but I'm starting to like them both raw too, now. Toss a couple sticks of bell pepper on a wrap, some sliced tomato on a burger. It's nice. With both of them, I had that initial fire alarm in my head going "Nooo this is doing to taste bad, Do Not Put That In Your Mouth" but I shoved past it and found it wasn't so bad. Little successes in life.

And sure, maybe I still only like the bell pepper sticks in wraps, and the tomatoes have to be sliced pretty thin (or salted), but I'm trying new things, and eating more vegetables, and I think that counts for something. Maybe my next Brave Adventure will be trying to eat onions raw too

I say this with love: trying to communicate effectively with Neurotypicals is so strange.

Asked the pharmacist a question about lozenges for a sore throat and while I was (paraphrased) asking "Can I take more than 1 lozenge because sometimes the first one doesn't coat the spot that's a little bit sore (read: kinda scratchy and a little bit irritated)" she seemed to understand my question as "Hey, my throat hurts so badly that I need to take multiple lozenges to fix it, what should I use?" despite me reiterating it didn't hurt, it was just sore, and that I didn't need something stronger, just that I needed something to coat it better.

Does 'sore' and 'hurt' really mean the same thing to them? Cause in my brain, sore is a mild inconvenience, but hurt is something that needs immediate attention. I don't get it

Update on my journey of learning to like tomatoes:

Today I put tomatoes on my salad! Which is a really big step for me, cause I've thought for years that would just be something that I would NOT be able to eat. Top of the list of "I don't like tomatoes so this is something I will never be able to have"

Well I did it.

And goddamn I'm proud!!

I was going to eat such a tasty sub after I got back from therapy.. the store had no subs, god has abandoned me...

Pathetic. Weak. Miserable.

I love him with all of my heart. Cute aggression except the cute mf is terribly, horribly pitiful