Am I Girl Blog Shit Posting Now?

I dance around my room on halloween at five in the morning, so I can wear my costume to school, and I listen to three cheers for sweet revenge by the alternative band my chemical romance on cd.

I have been looking for that cd for almost a year now I just got it over the weekend

I have had you for almost five years now I don't know why I'm still looking for you

The anger was just boiling up. I didn't know what to do with the excess water. It was overflowing the styrofoam cup and I needed to put it somewhere. I needed to throw something. I had to punch someone so hard it hurt me more than it ever hurt them. I grabbed my scalding cup and poured. A whispering drizzle ran down the hill side drilling into the dirt digging at the rocks breaking the dam of soil to bring forth a rushing river. Hurt yourself. I pounded my fist into my thigh. Hurt yourself. I scratched at my arm nails on a chalkboard. Hurt yourself. I didn't stop when I started bleeding. Hurt yourself. My skin was stuck under my nails. Hurt yourself. I was drowning head down in the deep waters so hot it was icy cold to the touch. Hurt yourself. I liked it. That hurt the most.

If I were your girlfriend I'd be the summer to your tom

how do i tell her i made it?

all those nights dreaming of what waking up might feel like. all those mornings still stuck in a dream.

how do i tell her that every week day i wake up at six to greet the blue haze outside my window while i dance to the radio station and put on way too much highlighter?

all those hours longing for satisfaction. all those minutes longing for routine.

how do i tell her my days are full of a life which i live?

all those poems praying for my flame. all those prayers poeticizing the mundane.

If I were a runner I'd be a sprinter

And if I were a painter I'd never buy varnish

If I were your rich great aunt I'd bore you with stories of a drunken Italy

And if I were a mother I'd eat my children in one sitting

If I were your girlfriend I'd be the summer to your tom

And if I were a musician I'd have five singles you had to buy separately and burn onto one disk

If I were a writer I'd be a poet

And if I were a poet I'd never breath a word of this to you

every time i look in the mirror its someone new who stares back at me.

a face, with features i have had since birth, changing every 34th second

yet every time i look at my reflection it is the same little girl who stared ahead at me.

a face, with features i have had since birth, the solemn look i get when the tide is just out of reach

to the girls singing please please please (sabrina carpenter) in the hollister dressing room at the mall

thank you for helping me stop and smile

the human spirit is indomitable and I needed a reminder to once again find love and hope even in the darkest corners of those dank as fuck changing rooms

Night blackens the air where I stand

A crisp chill prickling my skin

Almost midnight

I breathe in

I should be sleeping but I’m not

Woken by nightmares

Silent screams

Hidden terrors

Now outside I look to the sky

Seeing some stars

Through the city lights

Dogs start barking

I’m not alone

Time to re-enter my warmer home

Trudge to my bedroom

Crawl into the sheets

Type out a poem

Then fall back into sleep

i wanted to be my firsts first and now ive lost the purity in me to something dirty and it makes me feel sick. i have nothing to repent for yet i have a need to fall to my knees and beg for something.

I saw you looking

So why did you say you didn't care

why look at something you dont like

instead look at the trees blowing in the air

I caught you looking

and i caught the blush in ur cheeks

the soft smile on your lips

like the cutest little geek

I noticed you not looking

so i tried to forget

it wasnt all that hard

but then you had to look again

this time your eyes were lower

and i wouldnt have minded but

i saw you looking

then you said u didnt care